


Behind the Sunflowers

by vacantb



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Kidnapping, M/M, Murder, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-05-26 15:29:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6245296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vacantb/pseuds/vacantb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>18+ // dark-theme centric; Summary: Josh and Tyler have spent nearly every summer together since they were kids exploring. One summer of exploration changes it all, and creates a dark secret between Josh and Tyler. This secret alone controls Josh to Tyler's whim, as their senior year approaches Josh fears that anyone who gets close will find out the skeletons that lie within not only his, but Tyler's closet as well. Some things are better left behind the sunflowers...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We Saw the Sunflowers

**Behind the Sunflowers**  
  
Joshler // 18+   
  
  
  
\-   
  


**We Saw The Sunflowers**   
  


Josh remembered the tall golden fields of sunflowers, every summer that Josh visited Tyler, they would play games in the sunflower field. It was miles and miles of golden sunflowers that raised high than them, towering over them as they played hide-n-seek in the fields. He remembered every summer smelled of humid Ohio air and the colors of yellow, green and the blues of the summer sky. It was endless much like Josh and Tyler's friendship, it was bountiful, warm and clarifying as the summer sky. This was what Josh was used to, summer after summer, Tyler's rhythmical wording and the feeling of freedom getting lost in the sunflower fields. They always felt a sense of danger hoping they would not get caught by the farmers when they explored the fields.   
  
Tyler and Josh's parents always trusted them with playing outdoors, they always trusted the boys and when Josh looked back, they had taken advantage of that trust. Josh always trusted Tyler's judgment when it came to exploring the fields, the last summer Josh remembered vividly as he had just turn twelve and Tyler was still eleven. This was the summer that changed everything for them, that changed the friendship Josh cherished with Tyler.   
  
It was the summer Josh relived for years, haunted by it and the summer that Tyler changed right before Josh's eyes in a most gruesome way. It was the summer that Josh and Tyler made a pact—a secret that Josh still kept close to his chest and the weight of it was some days, far too heavy to stomach.

It started off as a normal day, Josh arrived at Tyler's house and was greeted by his family in an instant, at this point, Tyler and Josh's friendship had made them like brother's, inseparable on most days when Josh would visit. Josh remembered the clanking and rustic squeak of the patio screen door as he pulled it back, his mom waiting in the car to see Josh get in successfully, as he knocks, the door opens to Tyler's mom smiling with a washcloth in hand as she smiled gingerly at Josh.

"Hello, Josh."   
  
"Hi. Mrs. Joseph," Josh was always eager to play with Tyler on the tire swing in the backyard. "Is Tyler around?"

"Of course, he's in the backyard. How's your mom?" She would always ask.

"Good. She's always busy." Josh nodded, excited to see Tyler as he always got when he would visit.

"Ah. Won't keep you from Tyler. You two boys are always eager to play." She chuckles softly.

Josh turned around to wave at his mom and his mom waving back as she drove off, and Tyler's mom allowing Josh to enter the house. He remembered the squeaks in the floorboards, the chatter of people within the house and the backdoor being open as the sunlight filtered through the house, inviting Josh to join Tyler outside.

Once Josh was outside, the warm breeze tickling his cheeks and nose as he smelled the summer Ohio air, he was used to this, the endless bountiful blue sky and white clouds that lulled him into an entrancement. But the one thing that made him spellbound was the moment his eyes landed on his best friend, Tyler, Josh's smile would light up and the excitement he felt was always mimicked in Tyler's eyes as well. They would smile all-knowing of each other and instantly run up and come up with a complicated handshake to prove their unwavering kinship for each other.

"Let's go to the sunflower field." Tyler suggested as Josh swung on the tire swing, Tyler pushing it nonchalantly.

"Okay, but you know we have to be back before sundown, right?" Josh always felt the need to state this as there was more than a few times Tyler and Josh would lose track of time, or Tyler would insist on playing longer and they would instantly get into trouble by their mom's.

"Yeah, yeah, this one is only an hour walk." Tyler reassured Josh as he chewed on his lip.

"Okay. Let's go!" Josh leaped off the tire swing nearly tripping over his own feet, Tyler laughing in the background as Josh dusted himself off.

The walk there was small talk to what Josh could retain from it, except one statement that really imprinted on Josh.

"Josh, do you think we'll ever stop... you know, being friends?" Tyler looks up at the sky, and Josh follows.

"No, I don't think so. You're my best friend." Josh admits as he stares into the boundless blue sky.   
  
Tyler stops on the gravel road leading up to the sunflower fields, Josh stops, staring back at Tyler.

"What's wrong?" Josh unable to quite understand what was troubling Tyler.

"... Promise..." Tyler murmured under his breath.

"Promise, what?" Josh was momentarily confused as he watched Tyler bite down on his lip.

"Promise you'll always be my best friend. Now until forever. No matter what. Okay? Promise me."

Josh wanted to laugh at how childish Tyler was being but the moment their eyes met, Josh knew it was serious for Tyler, Tyler meant what he was saying.

Josh nods, "I promise. I, Josh Dun, hereby say under this wonderful summer day that we are going to be best friends, forever and nothing will change that. Not no one or other forces... or puberty." Josh smiles and Tyler looks at Josh with pure happiness knowing he got his way with Josh.

Josh never understood the gravity to his promise or how **far** Tyler would take that very promise.

Once they arrived at the field, Tyler began their typical game rules of hide-n-seek:

1\. No hiding longer than 20 minutes per round

2\. Don't get caught by the farmers

3\. Hide within the fields

Whoever lost the most in the rounds would have to steal a sunflower, and once the game was set, Josh was seeker first, as when they flipped a coin Tyler always chose heads. Josh counted to 50 before he would yell the signal that the game was on. And before Josh knew it, he was running through the field, waiting and listening for Tyler's shuffling through the rows of sunflowers. This sunflower field was unfamiliar to Josh, they had never gone **this** far out for a field but these sunflowers were taller than usual, and nestled a lot closer than he was used to. But Josh decided to ignore it and focus on finding Tyler. This was their game, every summer they would do this. Josh became good with his ear, able to focus and narrow down the shuffling noises to the wind gently whisking by.

Josh remembered vividly a loud scuffling sound in the field and the crows flying off in the distance as his eyes watched the birds fly above him in the towering sunflower field. He paused to watch the birds fly away before he turned his head to seeing the sunflowers shuffle, Tyler had ran by him and he cursed to himself. He got so caught up in the moment he forgot the game he was playing as he ran to the left of him where the rustling of the flowers echoed in his ears.

As he ran getting closer and closer, he suddenly notices Tyler's shoulder peaking in from the stocks and runs closer, grabbing Tyler shoulder.

"Found you! You weren't even trying that hard...." Josh pauses as he noticed the field was damaged, like a small clearing had been made as his eyes met a man's green eyes, he was much taller and bigger than Josh or Tyler.

"Who—" Before Josh can finish he sees blood on the ground, soaking and pooling around a motionless body of what Josh could assume was a man.

The blood and excitement Josh had felt drains in an instant as he looks to Tyler nervously, Tyler continues to stand unable to move in shock.

"Tyler. Tyler, run!" Josh shouts to snap Tyler out of his shocked state, and before Josh knows it, the man steps forward reaching out to grab Tyler. Josh shoves Tyler away. "Run, Tyler. Run!"

Before Josh can say anything more his heart drops to his stomach as the man grabs him. He squirms and fights the man screaming out for Tyler to run—to escape, to get help. Josh swore he saw Tyler run into the field as the attacker cursed under his breath before hitting Josh and the kid was out like a light.

Josh remembered the smell of mold, and dirt, the air was almost rustic and thick with moisture as he opened his eyes to a dirt cellar wall, he knew it was underground, it was cold. The lights were strung up and the cot bed beneath him didn't feel comfortable—it scratched his exposed skin. He only had his underwear and someone else's shirt. It wasn't his favorite shirt he always wore, the birthday gift Tyler had given him this summer. Then his eyes darted to the body next to him, and with much horror, it was Tyler. Josh withheld a cry, because he knew what was going to happen down in this cellar. He wasn't going to survive, but Josh hoped somehow by luck Tyler would escape and get help. That Tyler wouldn't suffer, because Josh wouldn't be able to live with himself if that were the circumstance. Yet, here they were, next to each other in foreign clothes and a very scary place. Josh panicked as he shook Tyler awake.

"Please wake up. Please, Tyler..." Josh kept repeating as he desperately wanted his friend awake to know what happened and what they could do next.

Tyler grumbled and moaned as he screwed his eyes open and gazed dozily around the small room.

".... Where... where are we, Josh...?"

"I... I don't know. Do you remember anything after we saw that creepy psycho motherfucker?" Josh whispered as he kept his eyes searching in the room to make sure the man wasn't hiding in the shadows somewhere in the cellar.

Tyler propped himself on his elbow as he rubbed his head, "I just remember running and somehow he must have grabbed me... I... I'm not sure."

"Okay... we got to find a way out now, or we're dead." Josh rationalized with fear thick in his tone.

"No shit. But how can we go anywhere with our ankles chained to the fucking wall?" Tyler spoke in an aggravated tone as he clawed at the ankle cuff and yanked on the chain.

It hadn't dawned on Josh that they were chained to the wall, "Shit. Shit. Shit."

He pulled on the chain desperately as he panicked, "We got to figure something out."

"Did you tell your mom where we were going?"   
  
"I only told her we were going to the park not far from the house..."

"Shit. Shit. Fuck." Josh cursed under his breath.   
  
The first two days, they were left with no food or water, they only had each other's company and a light. On the third day, across the room the hatch door opened and the man descended down. Josh immediately stood up and put Tyler behind him.

"Our parents will be looking for us. They'll find us. You had better let us go."

The man chuckled, and Josh couldn't decipher if it was because of his cockiness or the fact the man had well above a foot over him as he stared down at Josh.

"Kids like you piss me off. Can't mind 'yer business, can ya?"

"Let us go, we will pretend this never happened. We promise. We saw nothing."

The man laughed, giving them a pail of water and he left them alone in the cold cellar, this method went on until the man started to bring little scraps of food. They had to subject themselves to splitting the food and rationing the water, this went on for a while, Josh and Tyler would do their best to keep up with the time. Hoping their families didn't think they were dead, once Josh started to see Tyler become thinner before his eyes, he worried more and more with the quieter and the bleaker Tyler's words came out—if they were going to make it out of this alive.

Then the day came where the man entered with a Polaroid camera, "All right boys get up."

Josh kept his hand on Tyler's chest to prevent him from standing up, "No."

"Don't fight me, I can't have these photo's looking bad... can't have yer faces with any shiners, now can I?"

Tyler clutched onto Josh's hand, "...It's okay. I'll get up first."

Josh's lips trembled as Tyler was told to strip, the flashes of the Polaroid terrified him as the man told him to have his arms stretched out, turn to his back, each flash made Josh's heart hammer with anger and fear. He wanted to kill the guy, and he wanted to escape the man's clutches with Tyler unharmed. When it was Josh's turn, he fought the man, and before he knew it, the man landed a fist on his face and a black eye formed within seconds. Josh covered his eye with a whimper as Tyler held onto him.

"Now you fucked it up! Look what you've done, ya little piece of shit!" The man growled bring out his bowing knife from its holster that was strapped to his chest, "Now I have to wait longer to get rid of ya!"

As he neared them both, he grabs Josh by his shoulder and Josh remembered the smell of vodka that lingered on the man's disgusting breath. "I should just cut ya up!"

Josh remembered only fragments of what happened next as he recalled Tyler grabbing the ankle chain and managing it around the man's throat. Josh blinked and then there was blood—everywhere, and the sound of flesh being cut into as he turned to see Tyler's blood soaked hands with a knife.

Josh covered his mouth as Tyler wiped away the sweat on his forehead, blood smearing across like a banner, "Find the keys. Find them." His voice was monotone as he spoke.

Josh was shaking, breath caught in his throat and the horror in his eyes to see Tyler so vacant, to see him covered in blood. Josh only nods distantly as he shook checking the pockets of the dead man, when he found the keys and undid their ankle shackles Tyler only hugged Josh.

"Promise me, you won't tell anyone what happened, okay?"

Josh shoved back, "Are you kidding me, Tyler?!"

It was the motionless expression that struck more fear into Josh's heart than the psycho man that had tortured them for what they could assume, weeks. 

"I... I... We got to leave, Tyler." Was all Josh could manage in his fear-stricken state.

They searched for their clothes and found them in a box that had clothes from all sizes in it and it caused a shiver to run up his spine. They weren't the **only** one's victim to this, as they changed and went to the ladder leading up to the surface.

"What we saw here... it stays between us, Josh..." Tyler grabbed the photo's that had been printed by the Polaroid, shoving them into his pocket. "All of it. You're my best friend and that's what best friends do, okay?"

Josh only nodded, too fearful of what Tyler could do to him as in that moment, Josh **feared** Tyler.

When they opened the hatch and got up and out of the cellar, it was bright light that stung their eyes and fresh air that reached their lungs. They coughed and squinted in the late summer air, tears rolled down Josh's cheeks as the sun was going towards sundown. They stared around, they didn't recognize where they were but there was a creek not far from them, as they shut the cellar door. Tyler locks it with the key and nods to Josh for approval and he nods reluctantly.

They made it to the creek where they washed the blood and Josh attempted to cool his black eye, Tyler stood up and threw the keys into the creek.

"Good riddance," Is all Tyler says as Josh only watches him in silence.

Once Josh stands, Tyler only wraps his arms around Josh, "Best friends forever, right?"

Josh leans against his shoulder, "Right..."

They wander down the creek hoping to find a road to follow, after a few hours of tireless walking and nothing but silence between them, a road appears and they find themselves a ride back to town.

When the police get them, they asked them both what had happened, Tyler was the first to speak:

"We fell in a hole and I had twisted my ankle, Josh saved my life."   
  
The story broke into the news and their families we're glad to see them alive,  as to everyone's knowledge they went missing for 14 days, everyone believed the story Tyler came up with and Josh was left staring at Tyler in bewilderment.

He had made a promise to Tyler, and it scared him as Tyler mouthed the word, "Promise."

Josh automatically, almost involuntarily mouthed back, "I promise."   
  
This was only the beginning to the promise Josh made as he became the property of Tyler's whim.

\- 1


	2. He Picked the Petals off One By One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is extremely appreciated. I could really use some comments!

**_He Picked the Petals off One By One_ **   
  
  


"We fell into the ditch, Tyler twisted his ankle and we were lucky that some days it rained... we managed to get enough water to survive and we ate worms..."

"Yes, Joshua, but we must dig further to narrow down what has been triggering your night terrors... have you been taking your Ativan?" the psychiatrist, Mrs. Jones jots down on her notepad, legs crossed.

"Yes, whenever I have night terrors..."

"Have you been using it excessively? We just gave you this prescription back after your... incident."

"No."

"Do you feel it's from peer pressure, home life, or being around Tyler?"

Josh gulps, the knot forming in his throat as his eyes cast down to his hands when he hears Tyler's name being spoken. "No... I just can't get over what happened. I guess, maybe it's just me over exaggerating?"

"You have PTSD, Joshua, we've been working through this to help you better cope with life."

"Yeah... I know."

"What are you feeling right now? School will be starting in a few weeks, do you feel you can handle it?"   
  
"I don't want to do homeschooling, not again, I feel better than last time. I promise."  
  
"Joshua, if I sign off on allowing you to go back into school for your final year, can you guarantee me... no more secrets, no more lashing out?"

Josh stares at his lap then up at Mrs. Jones staring at him intently. "I promise."   
  
The two words that always haunted him, he spoke aloud because anything was better than being in his house like a prisoner. Sure, he had anger issues the first two years after the events of his 'promise', his secret that he kept close to his chest. He got into many fights at school, then he was suspended and sent to anger management, when his anger was transferred into drumming lessons, Josh thought, as everyone else did... that he was getting better. But he and his family were oh so wrong, as at the age of 15, Josh attempted to take his own life with his Ativan prescription and a bottle of whiskey he stole from his parent's liquor cabinet. He ended up in the ER, his stomach being pumped, and his parents blamed themselves, and Josh's self-hatred grew, he went to rehab where his parents learned that he suffered from PTSD. After the diagnoses it was psychiatric visits and for two years he was stuck homeschooling and proving he could better cope.

"Okay, I will speak to your parents and sign off on you immersing back into school. But I will be making bi-weekly scheduled visits and working closely with your school's counselor to assure your family and for your own safety that this will not induce your episodes. Okay, Joshua?"

Josh only nods distantly, his phone buzzing with at least 20 iMessage's from Tyler, Josh stared at the screen as the last message pops up:

"I'm picking you up at your house in 10 mins."

Josh only sighs as he shakes Mrs. Jones hand before leaving the room to be greeted by his mom.   
  
"How was it?"   
  
"Okay, I guess." Josh only shrugs in disinterest as was more wrapped up on how we was going to explain things to Tyler, that he was going to be attending the same school again.   
  


Josh waits in the car while his mom and Mrs. Jones discuss his official immersion back into high school and for once, since he was 12, have some sort of normal life. But Josh couldn't fool himself, even when he dyed his hair, and expressed himself much more—there in the silence, lurked the horrible nightmares in his head, the images he couldn't be rid of. Tyler was the complete opposite of Josh after the incident happened, Tyler acted normal like nothing had happened and carried on with his life. The only thing that changed was his possessive nature.   
  
Josh hated to admit to himself that Tyler's possessive nature wasn't healthy—it was the fact that Tyler was possessive of Josh. Josh had very few friends since the incident and Josh blamed it mainly on himself, his anger issues and the isolation he received from being diagnosed with PTSD. The fact he took sleeping pills to help aid him because every time he closed his eyes, he was brought back to that damp, dark, and terrifying cellar room.

Once his mom drove him back home it only took moments before he asked his mom permission to see Tyler, she of course, allowed him to see his best friend. Because it was one of the few friends he had managed to keep over the years, to his mom's knowledge, but the reality was much darker than that. But no one really knew, it was their secret, it was their promise.

They had each other, and nothing else mattered.

Before Josh can wander more into his mind, a honk alarms him that Tyler is waiting for him and he leaves, giving a quick kiss to his mom's cheek and leaving out the door. He sees the red 1999 Toyota Corolla parked in front of the driveway, Tyler has his black beanie and darker clothes to match as once Josh takes a seat he's met with silence. The silence bother's Josh more than Tyler's hypnotic words and lower tone.

"Hey." Josh hesitates as they pull out of the driveway and drive.

"Why didn't you answer my messages?"

"I was... I was in therapy."

"I know, but you could have answered me at least once."

"Sorry, I got anxious. Big news."

"Big news being what?" Tyler asks, checking his rearview mirror for a second as they continued their drive going well out of the city into the country side, the windows rolled down and the summer breezy tickling their skin.

"I'm going back to school, I got approved."

Tyler only bites his lip, "Okay. That changes things quite a bit."

Josh only nervously fiddles with his phone as he stares at Tyler impatiently, "How?"

"We'll have to make sure people know..."

As the speed increases on the open country road, Josh's nerves make him more anxious as his knees begin to bob restlessly to the momentary silence. Then his eyes catch a glimpse of the golden sunflower fields and Josh's throat goes dry.

"Are we going to...?"

"No, somewhere nicer." Tyler corrects Josh's thoughts as they pull into a gravel road that continued the endless rows of sunflowers.

They pull up to a sunflower field as Tyler parks it and Josh waits only for a moment then joins Tyler at the sunflower field.

"This was the field we should have gone to..." Tyler admits as he brings out a pocket knife and cuts off a sunflower, picking the petals off one by one as Josh watches intently.

Josh's eyes never leaving Tyler's hands as he picks each one off, "Why are we here?"

"It's been five years, you know?"

Josh shivers, "Yeah... I guess it's been a while."

Tyler hands the remaining flower to Josh, he of course accepts it and stares at the sunflower that has half of its petals missing.

"We made that promise. I want everyone to know."

"To know what... what happened?"

"No... to know that you're mine and I'm yours... since you're heading back to school..." Tyler simply states his brown eyes reflecting in the sunlight that it practically looked magical and innocent but the words that left his mouth, scared Josh.

"H... How?"

Tyler motions to head back to the car, Josh follows as Tyler searches the backseat and brings out supplies. "Take your pants off."

Josh's eyes widen, "Why?"

"Do you trust me?" Tyler counters with another question and Josh shivers.

"Yes... I always do."

"Then take them off."

Josh obeys reluctantly as he undoes his pants and sits in the passenger side, as Tyler sets up sowing needles, pencils, India ink, sowing thread and cloths.

"What... what are you planning to do?" Josh murmurs as Tyler sets it up, he places a single finger over Josh's lips.

"Shh... you said you trust me. Now, keep that trust silent. Okay?" Tyler waits for Josh to nod before he goes to work on getting everything set up.

"Okay, this won't hurt that bad." Tyler reassures Josh as he begins to pick with the needle and ink above Josh's left knee, a tattoo.

Josh watches idly as he began to realize that the image wasn't an image being tattooed into his skin, but Tyler's own name and Josh's heart begins to race. Their promise—it was their sense of ownership between each other. Because Josh would be a naïve fool to pretend as if he wouldn't reciprocate the ownership back, because Tyler was all he had in the cellar room for 14 days, Tyler was the one to save him—Tyler's his best friend.

It only stung momentarily and soon enough, one wipe of the cloth and there was Tyler's name etched into his skin permanently symbolizing their promise—their friendship.

"How did you manage to get this stuff...?"

"I wasn't planning to do this until college, but since we're both going back, I want everyone to know." Tyler speaks in a monotone voice, not as dark as the cellar room, but still that monotone voice reminded Josh that this was something possessive.   
  


It wasn't innocent.   
  
But Josh reciprocated the notion and went to work on Tyler's left knee, etching his name above his knee and with a shaky hand he finished. When he looked up to Tyler, it was a dark satisfaction, and Josh knew it was because he wasn't fighting back on it. He followed what Tyler wanted, and this always made Tyler happy.

"Okay... It's done." Josh breathes out as Tyler puts away the set up and Josh puts his pants back on, he stares down at the sunflower.

"I'm really glad you'll be coming back to school, Josh." Tyler admits as they watch the sunset over the golden field of sunflowers.

Josh didn't know how to feel as his eyes met Tyler's and it seemed just when Josh was convinced their friendship couldn't get any more complicated, Tyler leans in and plants a soft kiss to the side of Josh's neck.

"I'm glad you're my best friend." Tyler murmurs as he rests his head on Josh's shoulder.

Josh gulps as he stares into the sunset then he holds up the sunflower, beginning to pick the petals off one by one as he says, "A promise is a promise, right?"

\- 2


	3. The Seeds We Plant Might Never Grow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's plot building and I really hope you all enjoy.  
> Comments and feedback is truly appreciated.

**_The Seeds We Plant Might Never Grow_ **

At first, Josh suspected that his counselor would be like his psychiatrist, cold but pretending to care. Instead, it was the total opposite on his first day at school, Mr. Dallon Weekes, was the new school counselor, well, new to Josh's knowledge since he left school at 13. The man was a giant, but probably one of the most approachable giants Josh had ever met.

"So, Josh, from your record and your astounding background. I'm guessing you worked really hard to get yourself acceptable back into school. Must have taken a lot of convincing and lying with Mrs. Jones."

Josh raised his brows, "How would you know I lied?"

Dallon only chuckles, "You're not the first kid to do this, and certainly not the last."

Josh raised his brow suspiciously, "At this school?"

Dallon only leaned back into his chair and chuckled, "That's disclosed information. But you're definitely the curious type. I'm going to buddy you up with a student that I feel will help you get much more... comfortable integrating back into school life."

"I already have someone, Tyler."

Dallon nods, "Ah, yes. Tyler Joseph... he's an interesting character in our school." Dallon only taps his pen on the desk, "This student will be a fresh start for you. Do you always want to carry around your past?"

"What are you trying to say, Mr. Weekes?"

"You can call me Dallon, if you like," Dallon only smiles, "I know your past, your history with Tyler."

"I'm sorry, sir... but you don't know anything about Tyler and I, or what we went through."

"I'm not trying to argue, Josh, but I've already assigned this student to be your guidance for at least the first month of school. Mrs. Jones agreed with me that it would be good to have someone refreshing for you to get used to school. Her name is Debby Ryan, she's waiting outside the door to show you around."

Josh can feel the irritation bubble up in his blood, "Okay. Can I go then?"

Dallon smiles, "Yes, I'll see you tomorrow morning. Good luck on your first day, Josh."

Josh leaves and the first thing he sees upon opening the door is a girl with silver hair and soft brown eyes, and it's as if he's been struck by lightning. Josh's eyes widened for a moment staring and drinking in her features as she smiled at him.

"Hi, I'm Debby. Dallon told me you're my new buddy to show around the school!" She was perky, enthusiastic but her demeanor seemed grounded.

To Josh, she was very different.

"Um. Hi. Yeah, I guess he did." Josh awkwardly spoke back, not knowing how to react around Debby.

His awkwardness did not deter her smile, "Okay, well I will show you around and I have band first period. What do you have?"

Josh finally managed to get his already crumpled up schedule out of his pocket, "I think I have band as well."

Debby smile widens, "Wicked! Let's get going!"

Debby instantly loops her arm around his and pulls him with her, and for once Josh sees a glimmer of sunshine like the sunflower fields, but its silver hair and a soul-stealing smile. Josh is absolutely fascinated, and maybe he would thank Dallon later for setting himself up with someone so different.

She shows every classroom before they end up at band class, Josh doesn't see Tyler at all and it worries Josh to not see the one person he relied on most for this particular day. Josh then feels the need to pull away from Debby, because what if Tyler saw this? What would he think of Josh then? Before he can take any deeper thought to it, Debby only respects his space and grins.

"Well, Josh, what instrument do you play?"

Josh murmurs, "Drums."

"That's awesome! I can sing and play the cello. My parents always wanted me to play violin or guitar, but I decided the cello. The sounds are so unique!"

"Like your personality, I'm guessing?" Josh only cracks a small smile as Debby blushes.

"How did you guess? It's the septum piercing, isn't it?"

Josh only chuckles, "I think it's the whole gimmick attire."

Debby for once stops talking and just smiles, "I guess, but you're no better. Scowls make you look older than you need to be!"

Josh on shrugs, before their instructor enters the room and the class begins. He thanks Mr. Urie for not introducing Josh like some spectacle to be seen, everyone already knew who Josh was, just never really saw him since he beat up Tom Landon in 8th grade. And it wasn't as if Josh wasn't aware of how odd he stood out from the crowd with his past—his anger issues, the whole town knowing him and Tyler survived an ordeal... A fake ordeal, but he kept the promise close and that's what mattered to Josh.

"All right, Debby, I know you worked all summer on this. So, go ahead." Mr. Urie and the class wait, Josh just watches from behind the drum kit.

Debby gingerly sets up and smiles, "This is Bach Cello Suite No. 1 Prelude."

Once she began, the class became silent as her playing was superb and Josh found himself entranced by not only Debby, but by the song itself. He closed his eyes and he couldn't help it, the tears welled up because he was brought back to before things went wrong in his life. When he opens his eyes the song is over and Josh withholds a small cry, because it was beautiful. He notices Debby smiling at him and he smiles back unintentionally he was absolutely infatuated by her.

Before Josh knows it, the class is over and Debby is gushing for Josh's approval of her cover of the song. Josh can only nod, far too lost in his thoughts before he notices Debby asking him a question.

"What?" he asks distantly.

"Exchange numbers, silly. So we can go for a coffee or something, you're a really cool guy."

Josh raises his brows, "You do know who I am?"

Debby shrugs, "I moved into the city maybe a year ago? Why? Is there something I should know other than you're a shy guy?"

Josh doesn't know if he should tell her the sob story Tyler and him had rehearsed for years or simply shrug it all off. He swallows, handing his phone over with a feeling of reluctance, to Debby as she typed her number into his phone.

"Feel free to text me or call me anytime, anyways, I have calculus and you have art!" Debby smiles and with a wink she's gone.

Josh stands in the hall, his class right in front of him, and before he can enter, a hand grabs him. He flinches getting ready to elbow the person when he realizes that it's Tyler. Josh sighs, feeling a sense of relief knowing it was Tyler. It takes Josh a moment to allow his pensiveness and tension to dissipate as Tyler stares at him.

"Follow me?" Tyler simply asks.

Josh blinks, "Where have you been?"

Tyler only shrugs, "My classes are on the other side of the school. You didn't text me your classes so I had a hard time figuring out where you were."

"Oh... I'm sorry." Josh scrunches his brows, "I can't be late."

"The art teacher smokes weed and doesn't care, follow me?" Tyler urges.

"Okay. Okay."

Tyler guides him into a dead hallway and then makes a right into the boy's bathroom. Where Josh is met with Tyler's silence, the type of silence Josh cannot stand. He waits until Tyler stops pacing around the room before he speaks.

"What's going on?"

"I'm worried about you." Tyler states simply, and Josh flinches at the implicated.

"You're worried about her... Aren't you?"

Tyler bites his lip, "I'm worried you'll get hurt. What is she to you?"

Josh finds himself leaning against the wall and Tyler staring at him intently, "I don't know. She was assigned to me by the counselor."

"Do you want her?"

"Tyler," Josh warns, snapping at him, and Tyler looks away realizing he had stepped on Josh's nerve.

Tyler manages to look back at him and it's with pleading eyes, "I just don't want you to get hurt."

Josh sighs, "Ty... Don't say that."

"Why don't you want me to say it?"

"Dammit, Tyler. Please. Don't... Don't make me feel bad. She's just a friend."

Tyler only leans closer, centimeters away from Josh's lips and their eyes remained locked on each other.

"I thought I was your best friend?" Tyler doesn't do the one comforting thing Josh was physically used to, and that was their foreheads touching. Tyler denies this from Josh, and leaves him to contemplate his words in the bathroom alone.

"You are my best friend—you always have been. Fuck!" Josh can't withhold the anger that boils in his blood.

"No. No. Count 10, 9, 8, 7, 6... 5..." He murmurs the numbers, the years of therapy and anger management have taught him when his anger simmers up. He splashes cold water on his face and once he catches a glimpse of his anger in the mirror, and Tyler's words swim through his head, he can't control it.

Josh curses under his breath and he lands a fist against the wall and he hears a crack in his knuckle and he swears even louder.

"Fuck!"

He cries quietly to himself sliding down the wall, holding his swollen knuckles with the defeat of knowing this was only the first day. He thought for sure, he could lie to himself as well as he did to Mrs. Jones, he was wrong.

  
\- 3


	4. The Sunset Never Matched the Flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait, it's a slow build up and I could appreciate as much feedback as possible!

**The Sunset Never Matched the Flowers**   
  


 

It was the same routine with his night terrors, Josh would wake up to his own screaming in sweat soaked bed sheets. Josh swore his night terrors only got worse in the summer leading up to the fall, and recently he thought he had some grasp of it... something to help him mentally block the images of that insufferable cellar room. His mom would always come in to help him in any way possible when he experienced them, when he was younger they were much more violent... he remembered the first one he had and how terrified his whole family was when they witnessed Josh's internalized trauma and fear.

Once the shaking left and Josh took his Ativan, he stabilized and would begin to write in his journal. He kept track of each night terror as it became habit for him, the first psychiatrist he went to made it a requirement to better help with his coping skills. And Josh used to have two journals, one he would lie about his night terrors, to keep everyone fooled, but the other one he kept hidden in the seams of his mattress had the real night terrors that enveloped his mind and haunted his subconscious in the night.

The real journal he kept in the seams of his mattress not a single soul knew about it, not even Tyler knew the nightmares that haunted him, and if Tyler had the inkling that Josh had a secret journal, he was unsure how Tyler would react. Tyler and him always had secrets but they were **shared** secrets, not hidden ones. That was their rules among each other, they were allowed to keep secrets from everyone else but not from each other. Josh broke that rule years ago, and in a sense, it gave him the slightest bit of control within himself to know that even he had his own secrets not even Tyler knew.

As Josh stares out the window, he observes the moonlight with nostalgia, he recalls the way the moonlight always gave him solace and comfort because it remained the same. Everything that surrounded Josh could change but the moon would always remain the same in the night, it cycles were the same and this allowed Josh to relax as he finished writing the latest nigh terror that had reared its ugly head into his thoughts, but this one was different, he saw himself hurting Debby and the piece of music she had played was serenading in the background as he choked her to death with his bare hands, laughing.

Josh stared down at his hands that were shaking and then, when he couldn't handle staring at them, he looked up to the moon for silent comfort. He hoped the moon would provide silent forgiveness over the fact he had these dark night terrors stir in his head, the images and sounds, but now that he had spilled his thoughts into that journal all that was left in his head was Bach.   
  
With very little sleep and exhaustion oozed through Josh's body, he was sure he'd pass out from lack of sleep at school but being sat in Dallon's office, Josh figured he'd do his best to keep awake for at least half the day then lunch, he'd call it quits and leave.

"You don't look too good today, Josh."

"I didn't get much sleep."

Dallon shrugs and only points to Josh's bruised knuckles, "That doesn't look like sleep deprivation to me, Josh."

Josh only readjusts in his seat that was one way to make a wake up call happen, "It's nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Swear it."

"Who caused it to happen, because certainly wasn't your idea to bruise your knuckles like that."

"It was no one. I slipped up and it just happened, I promise it won't happen again... don't tell Mrs. Jones, please?"

Dallon only raised a brow, "Okay... I will let this slide if you promise yourself you won't let it happen again. It stays strictly between us."

Josh finally smiles, "Thank you, really,"

"Okay, I have a few students waiting and Debby is already awaiting you for class. So get out of here, okay?" Dallon says in light humor and Josh nods.

He was glad that Dallon at least tried to understand him in the slightest to prevent him from getting kicked out of school and end up back at home again. Josh didn't want to be a prisoner of his home, he was tired of hiding in the shadows of his past, he wanted a chance to feel normal at least for one year before he'd have to decide what he would do for the rest of his life. Josh leaves the room and he's greeted by Debby, she smiles at him as she asks him how his night went and if he searched up any classical musicians like she had suggested.

"I had a lot of homework to catch up on so I didn't have a chance,"

"Well, I created a playlist for you on Spotify, so, I'll send you a link and you can give it a listen while you study!" Debby grins, happy and content to think Josh took interest in her musical taste.

Josh smiles briefly at her as she looped her arm around him, guiding him through the endless bodies of faceless students until his eyes met with familiar pair of brown eyes he could never mistake for anyone else but Tyler.

Josh's instincts kick in and he removes himself quickly from Debby's affectionate manner and stares intently at Tyler as Debby asks him what his problem is, until she notices Josh's stare. She looks to notice he's watching Tyler through the crowded hall.

"I've got to go, Debby."

"Are you sure, I haven't escorted you to class?"

"It's okay, I have to go." Josh dismisses Debby's biting lip of disappointment.

Josh weaves his way passed students as he tries to get closer to Tyler, until he notices that Tyler is stepping back and away. Josh begins to panic as he wants only to know why Tyler is avoiding him, he didn't text him this morning, which he usually did.

Once Josh gets close to Tyler, he notices Tyler is holding someone's hand, he looks to the body next to him and it's a girl. Josh's eyes widen as Tyler only squeezes the girls hand.

"Meet my girlfriend, Ashley."

Josh can feel the rage in him stir up as he stares only at Tyler, ignoring the girl next to him.

"Why?" Josh asks through his quivering lips, its rage and anxiety surging through his veins in hot rushes.

"Leave it alone, Josh. I'll see you later." Tyler says disinterested by Josh's obvious anger.

  
Josh only stares at Tyler, "Don't look away from me, Tyler."

Tyler looks Josh up and down, "Like you care anyways,"

Josh only sees red flash behind his lids, his anger is getting to him and he's on the verge of either crying or punching Tyler in the face. Josh hated secrets, he hated when Tyler kept secrets away from him. Perhaps it was karma's way of making Josh feel guilty for his journal, maybe the world wanted to punish him more with seeing his best friend keep secrets from him.

Once Tyler walks away, Josh can feel it all stirring in him and he turns away—he had to get out of the school, the walls were closing up on him and the anger and anxiety were only building. He immediately gets to the back of the school where only the smokers and probably potheads loitered. He screams as he kicks a trash can across the pavement, hitting a pole as he kept running his hands through his hawk in hopes it would coax him out of his panic attack of confused rage. He can feel the hot tears of confusion rush down, he's angry that Tyler kept a secret from him, but more angered by the fact Tyler suddenly has a girlfriend, when they made a promise that they wouldn't bring anyone close to them. They made that promise, and Tyler broke it without hesitance.   
  
As Josh cried and walked back and forth he finally sits down, hands in his face as he attempted to calm his breathing. As he does this, a sudden soft touch to the back of him makes him jump, he turns to see Debby staring at him with worry.

"Are you okay, Josh?"

"Debs, leave me alone... please... I can't—I can't think straight right now..."

"Well, you're having a panic attack so obviously you can't think straight, silly." She takes a seat next to him and continues to gently rub soothing circular motions as Josh gets everything out of him in deep breaths and tears. "You must be really close to Tyler, huh?"

Josh finally dares to look at her again as tears rolled down his puffy eyes and redden cheeks, "He's my best friend... we never keep secrets..."

Debby only blinks, "Sometimes, people make really dumb choices."

"I'm stupid... to think... to think he would be honest."

"I don't think you're stupid, I think he's stupid to ignore you." Debby only gives Josh a hug.

"Maybe you need to make more friends, better friends?"

Josh only distantly nods as he leans against Debby, "How about you come to my house party I'm hosting this weekend, and it's a welcome back to school. You can meet some of my friends." Debby gently offers as she continues to console him.

Between hiccups as Josh finally calmed from his panic attack he nods, "Yeah that sounds nice."

"Want to skip first period and grab some Starbucks with me?" Debby smiles and Josh nods.

"Yeah." Josh waits for himself to settle.

 

He swears he hears the doors behind them shut, he turns to see nobody there and suspects it's in his head. Because deep down he wished it was Tyler that had come to console him, to be here for him to reassure him he had been imagining what he had witnessed to explain that his feelings were valid, that Ashley wasn't a girlfriend but a friend. 

  
But now only Josh was lying to himself as Tyler had someone called Ashley, and Josh wasn't sure he had a best friend anymore.  
  


\- 4


	5. Our Roots Began to Rot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry i took so long, depression and personal stuff.  
> i promise to try and upload more  
> thank you. feedback really appreciated.

**Our Roots Began to Rot**  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Josh's hands shook with anxiousness, 7 text message and 4 missed calls, that's what it took for Josh to get the hint that Tyler was mad. He must've been mad to ignore Josh for this long, and not even bother to tell him why. He had been sitting on his porch for hours waiting for the sun to rise, phone in his hands and insomnia had its way with him in the night. It wasn't just the sunrise Josh had been waiting for, it was also Tyler's response; a text message, a phone call—anything that could help Josh understand **why** Tyler chose to ignore him. Was it Debby? Was it being in school again? Was it because Josh hadn't texted him on the first day to see if they were going to meet up?   
  
Josh had racked his brain for four days straight, and it was finally Friday, the night of the party Debby had invited him to. Josh felt anxious about the party, it was his first house party. He was never allowed to attend them, but for once, his mom allowed it on the simple rules that he would answer her calls and get home at a practical time. Josh agreed to it, because he wanted to at least attend one house party in his life. He heads inside to get everything ready for the day and sleeps only for two hours before he's forced out of bed and driven by his mother to school.

The meetings with Dallon got easier and easier with Josh, he had started to adjust to Dallon's prying questions and knew how to be enigmatic on certain answers in order to avoid exposure or more prying questions. This time, Dallon wanted to know if he had been sleeping at all, and he admitted he had been restless but he never gave the specifics of it—mainly being Tyler. He kept it short with answering Dallon's questions vaguely that it was adjusting to school and getting used to schedules and reworking his internal clock.   
  
Dallon bought it and let Josh continue his morning routine of Debby guiding him to class and chatting with him. "Are you excited for tonight? I'm getting everyone to help me from Drama class, it's going to be a masquerade themed party,"

"Should I bring one?"

"If you'd like, but I'm also handing them out today too."

"How many people did you exactly invite?"

Debby had to think for a moment before she smiled, "A lot. But they're all great friends of mine, so don't worry too much,"

Josh only nodded his head, thinking if perhaps he should buy his own mask or just take one that was offered to him. As he arrives to his class, he briefly checks his phone at the last iMessage he sent to Tyler,

'Whatever happened to our promise?'   
  
It was delivered and he knew for sure Tyler had seen it, so why would he not answer?

Josh only sighs grimacing as he continued his day, it all became a blur until lunch. That's when Josh had to fight off the feeling of punching Tyler in the face and pulling Ashley's possessive hands off Tyler's arm. What made Tyler decide to make it painfully obvious he was dating Ashley? But alas, with much bitterness he stopped staring and bit back his tongue and allowed the slight twitches in his hands to dissipate as he chose to walk away from the chance of repeating confrontation. He was sick of having this bubbling anger simmer and hurt his stomach as well as his chest any longer.

The day flew by until silver hair and bright brown orbs stared at Josh as he placed his books from his locker to his bag preparing to leave. "Yes?"   
  
Debby smiled, "I just wanted to make sure you remember the party tonight. Be there at 8 sharp."

Josh could tell she was giddy in excitement as she swayed her vintage styled dress back and forth awaiting his reply. "Of course, I wouldn't miss it."   
  
Josh was shocked he had managed the day without passing out, but he was sure he wouldn't miss the party. He had been looking forward to something totally out of his comfort zone, he had never been to a house party before, and Debby had proven to be someone really kind. He trusted her judgment that a party would keep his mind off other people.   
  
Debby made a near inaudible squeal in excitement as she hugged him tightly, "Awesome, you'll love it. Oh, I also forgot... I thought since this morning you weren't sure about your mask, I'd make you one."   
  
Josh observed her as she pulled out a deep red mask with embroidery ebbed into it. "How did you manage this?" He held it up, it reflect for a moment.

"I had a spare so I decided to give my skills a try."   
  
"Why did you make me this?" Josh raised his brows, a little shocked by her sudden present and smiled a little, she put a lot of thought into the small intricate designs.

"... Because I'm awesome," she grinned proudly. "Like usual, really."   
  
Josh nodded as he placed the mask into his backpack, "Well, thank you, I didn't expect that at all."   
  
Debby just gives a side smile, "Well, I have to go and prepare for the party. I'll see you tonight!"   
  
Josh watches her leave, he couldn't help himself staring at the mask. He had only received sudden gifts like this back when he and Tyler had just survived their kidnapping five years ago. He had always associated sudden gifts as forms of sympathy, something to be ashamed of but staring at the mask Debby had clearly put some considerable thought into... Josh didn't look at the gift as some pathetic attempt to feel sorry for him. Debby didn't know what happened to himself or Tyler, it was something unearthly to Josh; everyone they grew up with and the whole city remembered it. He felt like a plague trapped in a glass box most days, everyone avoided him and if they got near him they treated him like glass. The only person that had treated him otherwise was Tyler, and now he had to add Debby as another person that gave him a sense of normality—being human.

The moment Josh arrived home, he was met with eerie silence as he went upstairs to his room. Josh's first priority was a shower and possibly a nap afterwards, once he put his bag down he made his way straight to the bathroom. He didn't like lingering in showers too long, it led to overthinking and Josh was already on a thin line of sanity before breaking a mental fuse from adjusting to school life, plus dealing with Tyler's silent treatment with his new girlfriend on parade. Everywhere he turned in the halls at school there Tyler was holding Ashley, Josh was sure it was meant to spite him. Josh had to question himself a lot more lately than what he was used to, what had he done so wrong that Tyler basically wanted nothing to do with him?   
  
Once Josh got out and dressed, he set an alarm on his phone to wake up on time and let sleep take over. When he opened his eyes to the sun setting and ears ringing from the alarm going off, he bothered with grabbing his cell phone. Turning off his alarm he noticed Debby had sent him the address to her house with two emojis to show she was probably excited beyond real words.   
  
His mom had given him cab money as for the first time in months his parents decided to have a night out. He wanted his mom to have more breaks away from how many appointments Josh required, especially on her days off from work. She needed a night out, but she had made rules for him to be back by midnight and answer her phone calls. His mom trusted him, and she was trusting Debby as well to have responsible fun. Josh calls a cab, grabbing his keys, wallet and the mask Debby made for him as it didn't take long for the cab to arrive.

Josh hated to admit how nervous he felt, because this was his first time ever at a house party. The idea of meeting so many people at once made him nervous, he shook his nerves out with tapping his legs to a certain rhythm that helped ease his anxious mind. The moment he pulled up to the massive house, Josh's mouth went agape, the house was practically a mansion. Josh quickly pays the cab driver, the moment he's out of the cab he puts on his mask and calls Debby.   
  
It takes a few seconds before she answers him, "Hey, you're here?"   
  
"Yeah, I think...?" Josh looks around, unsure if he was really at the right address.   
  
She's dressed in casual clothes and her usual warm smile as Debby runs up to hug him, her mask is a holographic type but it suited her. "Come on in, I'll grab you a drink. The mask looks great, as I expected it to be."

Josh chuckles out his nervousness as they enter into the massive foyer of the house, there's groups of people scattered around the foyer, chatting nonchalantly. Debby begins to introduce Josh to numerous people he had met maybe once or twice in the last week, and other people whom he knew from before he went to homeschooling—their reactions were surprisingly indifferent so far.   
  
Debby guided him as he mumbled a comment, "Isn't the whole point of a masquerade party not to know anyone's real identity?"   
  
Debby laughs, "I've been drinking a little."   
  
Josh raises his brows, "How? Who's bootlegging?"   
  
"My friend's brother, he's real rad, he isn't drinking but they brought a lot of drinks... I also think most people brought their own drinks." Debby shrugs it off as if it was nothing new to her.

Josh always avoided alcohol, he was afraid to lose control like he did when he attempt suicide. He could feel peer pressure coiling inside as they made their way to the kitchen, where people were clustering around the drinks. Debby lets go of him as she fills their cups, she chats with a couple of girls Josh recognized from her drama class. Then, his eyes wander across to look at all the people around him; most smelled like pot, booze and cigarettes. There's a bonfire going on in the backyard and people are everywhere, the constant chatter started to become a buzz in Josh's ears, his fingers twitching as he decides to check his phone,

Tyler:   
'I didn't forget our promise.'

Josh instincts tell him to look up from his phone, was Tyler here?   
  
Did Debby invite him here?

He nervously glares around, everyone was wearing masks, and even if Debby didn't invite him, he could have easily sneak in. Before he can overthink Tyler's iMessage, Debby passes him a red cup and grins as she sips her own.

"How do you like it so far?"

"It's not bad so far, for my first time at a house party." Josh fakes a smile his insides clenching as a mixture of anger and confusion swept over him.

A redhead appears beside Debby and whispers something, Debby nods, "Sorry, I've got to go take care of some friends. I'll check up on you in a sec, you can text me if you need me!"

He doesn't like the idea of being alone at a house party but feels as if he has no better option than to wander around and explore the party. He takes mental notes of everything, there's beer pong games, groups playing weird card games, loud music blaring, lots of people dancing even inviting him to dance with. After half way done his cup he allows his eyes to surf the crowd when his eyes land on someone that is staring back; they're wearing a black hoodie covering most of their features, black mask and Josh feels his throat tighten. Was he imagining shit? He looks away but the person is still watching him.

As he begins to approach the weirdo staring at him, they back away. Josh wants to know what the person's problem is or why they chose to stare at him as long as they did, as he weaves through the crowd he begins to get agitated with people shoving him and making comments. Josh was determined to know who the fuck the person with the black mask was and why they were staring at him, as he finally gets closer a hand grabs his shoulder and out of instinct Josh shoves them roughly away then he hears a squeak.

He turns around and realizes its Debby and she's on the floor, a guy significantly taller than him helps her up, "Dude, what the fuck is your problem? You think hitting women is okay or something?"   
  
"No. It was an accident..." Josh murmurs, guilt hits Josh as Debby dusts herself off.

"It was an accident, Steven, he didn't mean it,"   
  
"Why did you invite the guy? He's a freak."   
  
Josh suddenly snaps out of it and his eyes narrow, "A freak, huh? Is that what they call me now?"   
  
"My brother told me about you—you ate dirt and worms, and now you hit women."

"Steven! It was an accident." Debby shouts.   
  
Josh can see the red flashes behind his lids as his fists clench up, "I don't hit women, and I'm not a freak."

Before Steven can get anything more out, Debby splashes a cup of water on Steven, "Chill out—both of you. Or leave. I'm not tolerating fights!"  
  
Steven continues to glare, "You're a freak, Josh."   
  
"Out! Leave, Steve. Now." Debby calls a few more friends as they usher him out.

Debby huffs, "Well that was unnecessary."

"I'm sorry, Debs." Josh chews his lip, his anger issues still not under his full control and he knew it was mostly due to the booze and him getting so caught up over a stranger.

She shrugs, "It was an accident. I know you didn't mean to."

 **but he did** , he meant to hit someone upon instinct. He mentally flinches at her sincere words, she was far too nice.

"I need fresh air... I feel sick." Josh wasn't lying. His anger had slipped up and he hurt someone that hadn't done anything wrong to him.

What was wrong with him? Was his therapy not working well enough? He had taken anger management classes for a few years, could it be his medication?

The questions swam and muddled his brain, he leaves Debby and passes by everyone inside the house as he navigates out. Each person staring and whispering to each other, even with a physical mask on, he couldn't hide his bitter anger.

Once he gets out he looks up at the night sky and watches the stars, mixed emotions and confusion. He takes a seat and stares across the lawn, glancing at the curb where cars were parked. He looks at his phone he hadn't bothered with a reply to Tyler. Usually he would reply instantly, but the weird stranger encounter and shoving Debby onto the ground like it meant nothing really shook him up. He picks at the grass as he stares up to the sky, Debby takes a seat next to him leaning her head against his shoulder.

"So you used to eat dirt and worms?"   
  
"Yeah..." Josh picks at more grass as he nervously waits for her to continue.

"Cool... I hope Steve didn't ruin the night for you."   
  
"No, I ruined it on my own." Josh sighs out in frustration.

"How?"   
  
"I... I have anger issues. Big time." Josh admits as he grits his teeth back, ashamed of his failure to maintain composure.

"So? We're all messed up and not perfect. I have depression." Debby only shrugs, nuzzling her head on Josh's shoulder. "We've all got problems, but we don't have to deal with them on our own..."   
  
Josh felt like a weight had lifted, "Yeah, you're probably right."

Debby watches him in momentary silence and finally manages out, "I'll go get us something to drink. Okay? I'll be right back so stay put!"   
  
Josh nods picking at the grass beneath his fingers, he bites his bottom lip trying to not let his thoughts overwhelm him. He had already gotten into enough fights for the night, as he looks down at his lap, hands covers his eyes and he smiles.   
  
"I didn't expect you to get drinks that fast, I didn't even hear you." Josh absently comments, he's met with silence then he laughs, "Is this apart of some game? I have to keep my eyes shut or something?" Josh was already pretty buzzed at this point as he shrugged, "Fine. I'll play your game, Debs."

Josh keeps his eyes closed as the warm hands lift and he waits as there's a tickle against his lips, before he can process it he feels warm lips press against his. He never expected Debby to be so forward with him considering how shy and giggly she got when drinking tonight but he feels like it's strangely right. Her lips were definitely soft and very warm, and he could feel the giddy excitement clench his stomach. As he kisses back, there's a moment where her hand passes through his hair and undoes the mask, Josh wants to know why she decided that but before he knows it, their lips separate and the instant he opens his eyes he sees no one in front of him.

Josh gazes around to see not a soul, then he looks over his left shoulder Debby is walking up to him, "Hey, why do you look so spooked, also, where did your mask go?"   
  
"W...weren't you the one who just took it?"   
  
She gives him a weird stare as she takes a seat next to him and passes a red plastic cup to him, "Um. No, I just got out here. Why?"   
  
Josh can feel his brain overloading as he shakily touched his lips, "What... what the fuck?"   
  
"Did something happen and I totally missed it?" She raised her brows as she took a sip of her drink.

"I... I think I'm going insane, Debby..." Josh mumbled as he gulped the mixture of pop and booze back. "I'm not sober enough for this."   
  
Debby gives him a worried glance, "Be careful, if you need, you can crash on my couch tonight."   
  
Josh shook his head as he stared into his empty cup, "I'll get a taxi home, I think home would be best for me." Josh reasons out as he stands up, "Let's grab another?"   
  
Debby perks up, "Whoa. You sure?"   
  
Josh shrugs, "Fuck it. Let's play beer pong."   
  
Debby laughs, "Okay, you can play half a round then I'm going to call you a taxi."

Josh grins as Debby gets up and Josh wraps his arm around Debby, leaning against her shoulder as the alcohol was beginning to really take ahold of him. "You know... for a moment, I thought I kissed you tonight..."

Debby laughs, "You are saying some funny stuff, Josh."

Josh drowns out his confusion through drinking games, he wanted to forget everything—everyone, he didn't want to remember or feel a thing. Josh wanted so badly to convince himself he was crazy for imagining someone kissing him, but he knew deep down... Someone had kissed him, he just wasnt sure who.

This was not the kind of house party he'd seen on television or in movies, this was ten times scarier. He was terrified to admit, he was torn up as he was horribly and utterly confused with his feelings towards Debby.  
  
\- 5


	6. The Lifeless Flowers We Hold

**The Lifeless Flowers We Hold**   
  
  


When Josh woke up the next day, his hungover throbbed and the groggy haze took him a while to shake off and get his memory back. He blamed himself for being so ready to just blinding drink and mix his meds, he was desperate to not feeling anything he had made so many foolish mistakes. He had regrets swimming inside him, getting into a fight and accidentally hitting Debby because he had convinced himself he was seeing someone stalk him at the party. Josh wasn't all sure if someone had been following him but what he was sure of was someone had kissed him at the party, and it didn't make much sense as to who, aside from Debby as she had gotten so close to him so rapidly but here he was... confused.

He spent most the time writing in his journal trying to sort out the haze that was Debby's party, and just whom had kissed him.

Monday came swirling around faster than to Josh's liking, sitting in Dallon's office, Josh had a strange feeling in his gut that _something_ was off.

Dallon sat back in his chair and raised his brows at Josh, "So I hear from the grapevine that you attended Debby's little house party..."

Josh raised his brows, "How did you...?"

Dallon half-smiles, "I find out everything, it's basically my job and it's not like Social Media or students always keep that private. Public forums and word of mouth is like a virus in this school, Josh."

Josh only mimics Dallon and sits back, "Okay... Yeah, I did..."

"None of it triggered your PTSD?"

"No. Only my minor anxiety." Josh bullshits as he crosses his arms, his gut not feeling quite right.

"You're not lying to me are you?"

"I could if I wanted to..." Josh admitted.

Dallon only chuckles, "If I hear any more violent tendencies even _accidents_ as Debby likes to claim... I'll have no choice with Mrs. Jones but to let her know, you know that right, Josh?"

"I do, is that all?" Josh rushed and wanted to be done with it. He wanted to get class finished, but he also wanted to know if it was Tyler at the party. Had he been there? Was everything from that night been his imagination?

Dallon lets him go free and the first person he is greeted with is Debby smiling as her usual self, "Want to head to class?"

"Sure." Josh nods distantly "Again... I'm sorry about what happened at the party..." Josh attempts to calm his anxious guilt over the incident hoping to get better closure with his close call. He was so close to losing himself to his rage, his anger that he had bottled with years of prescription drugs and anger management.

Debby shakes her head, "Josh, it's okay all is forgiven and in the past."

"Okay, I just wanted to make sure..." He trails as they continue their walk together.

Josh didn't feel like it was over as his eyes passed by Tyler's girlfriend in the crowd briefly. Something about her eyes meeting his didn't feel right, as he felt sick from the anxiety building up he pardons himself to the bathroom. He makes his way towards the bathroom when he notices Ashley again, this time standing against a locker her eyes firmly planted on his.

He pauses and decides against his better judgment to approach her, the moment he stands in front of her, he notices her alluring features. The flawless and glowing skin, even for the Ohio weather she resembled the typical LA fashioned girl; literal perfection, perfect cheek bones and bright eyes that probably got her whatever she wanted—Tyler being one of the many things she got at will. 

"What do you want?" Josh asks between gritted teeth, as he hated to admit to himself, she was beautiful... he could understand the appeal she probably had to Tyler.

She just smiles up at him in an all-knowing way that makes Josh feel even sicker than he already did. "I just wanted to know if you remembered anything."

Josh raises his brows in confusion, "You mean being Tyler's girlfriend, or am I missing something?"

Ashley only adjusts herself, "Ah. Is that all you know me for?" her arms un-cross as she only sighs placing her hands over his eyes, "Rings a bell?"

Josh removes her hands and is taken aback, gawking, "Wait... Why?"

Ashley only looks away, "Well, Tyler seems to always get his way and he would definitely like to see us both miserable."

Josh becomes pale as if he had been struck by lightning as the realization hits him, "So you two weren't even a thing. Were you?"

Ashley only casts her eyes away, "He saw how I looked at you, and his possessiveness is a little scary. You know? He always seems to get what he wants, huh?"

"So you thought kissing me blinded was okay?"

She snorts and rolls her eyes, "I can't get Tyler to give me space near you for like, a second. He's usually somewhere, I'm not even allowed to talk to you like I am right now. So I took the opportunity at Debby's party..."

Josh doesn't even bother to explain himself as he asks, "Where is he?"

Ashley looks around, "Usually in the courtyard, but he's probably heading back here to check up on me or you."

Josh looks beyond the crowd of students and once his eyes spot the familiar dark brown hair and eyes to match his fists shake.

"Josh?" Ashley asks in concern as Josh makes his way passed the crowd. "Debby!" Ashley shouts as she began to connect the dots of what was about to happen.

"Someone get Mr. Weekes, Debby, get someone!" Ashley frantically calls as the tension builds in the early morning air.

Josh pushes and shoves his way passed students his fists clench as he draws it up seeing Tyler's face filled him with rage. The shock in Tyler's momentarily glossed eyes sparked the rage inside of Josh and he knew at this point it was pure fury. Something inside him snapped and the only thing he could think of was punching Tyler in the face for all his manipulation and for messing with his head for so long. 

Once his fist impacts Tyler's jaw and Tyler hits the ground the only words Josh can manage is filled with resentment, "You ignored me because you wanted to drive me **insane?"**

Another punch and this draws blood as Tyler attempts to fight back, making only a few punches in between Josh's relentless assault.

"We made a promise, whatever happened to that? What happened to us being best friends? Now you want to take everyone away from me?" Josh doesn't care at this point who hears it as the crowd draws around them as Tyler chokes on his blood, his nose and mouth bleeding as he scoffed.

"What do you want from me?"

Tyler only chuckles weakly, "You know what I want."

Josh continues to go, it's as if he's watching himself and it's an out-of-body experience as he keeps slinging punches until his fists bruise even worse than they were and Tyler becomes weaker, unable to put up the raging fight Josh has. It was near animalistic he can hear people shouting in the background but he doesn't care as he sees Dallon and Debby intervene, Dallon holding Josh as Josh screams at Tyler.

"Why are you doing this to me?" Josh repeats and eventually in Dallon's hold he's stopped as he kicks and tries to get back at Tyler.

Something in him wanted redemption for the emotional roller-coaster and lies Tyler had surrounded himself, he was willing to date someone just to keep people away from Josh. Willing to sabotage everything Josh had built around himself to get back into school so he could be isolated again, Josh knew what Tyler's game was and Josh wanted Tyler to **feel** his pain. 

When Josh opened his eyes in the isolated room inside the school offices, with cops outside the door and his parents staring at him worriedly as they spoke to them, Josh knew he had fucked up. He had royally fucked up his chances, and deep down, the moment he looked outside the small square glass of the door to make eye contact with Tyler—he knew Tyler had won, the smug look on his beaten face said it.

Tyler had ultimately gotten what he wanted—get Josh further away from everyone he had made friends with, Josh was suspended for two weeks with probation at school.

\- 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really want character dynamic & development to be a heavy driving force in this fic  
> Im so sorry this took so long, I've been on vacation & dealing with life  
> I promise that Josh & Tyler's fates are intertwine so dun worry,  
> the Joshler smut shall appear soon so keep reading & comments are extremely appreciated  
> I'd love to know your thoughts, thank you  
> Here's the playlist for this fic w/ the song for this chapter linked: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quR7cs9QVpE&index=17&list=PLZaHTvJbXQciJitGPhcDcVdWfylrPhbW3


	7. The Poisonous Dirt Room

**_The Poisonous Dirt Room_ **

  
  
"You're lucky Tyler and his family didn't press charges on you!" His mother ranted as she stormed through the house with a heavy step to her foot.   
  
Josh knew he had pissed off his family, Tyler didn't press charges over obvious reasons—he got what he wanted and the rest didn't matter. Josh stared at his knuckles the entire time, how bruised and bloodied they were and most of the blood belonging to Tyler. He felt _guilty_ for what he did to Tyler, he could easily admit that to himself, his eyes are fixated on his hands that rest on his lap. His hands were practically shaking as they were swollen now, they had fought only mere hours ago; Josh couldn't get the images out of his head of what had possessed him to lose his sanity—that Tyler was capable of pushing him that far. The looks on everyone's face—Dallon was disappointment, Debby was pure horror and shock, his parents was absolute sadness and the rest of the student body feared him.   
  
Josh felt suffocated in guilt, he felt like shit for what he had done.   
  
"All that anger management classes, Joshua, we didn't come this far for you to relapse again..." His mom ran her hands through her graying hair, she looked more tired than usual.   
  
"Mom... I promise... It won't happen again. I'm better."

"How was assaulting your childhood best friend prove you've gotten better, Josh? How can we trust you when you can't even trust yourself inside of a school?"

"I've gotten better, I am better..." Josh repeated in a low whisper, "I promise, don't put me back."

His mom narrowed her eyes, scanning the lies in his shaky voice but detected none—his voice was hoarse from all the fury he had built up and let go in that fight. Josh could feel his eyes welling up, "I don't want to go back to rehab... I don't want to go through extensive therapy again. I'm better."

She finally sighs, closing her eyes momentarily then making contact with Josh's eyes again. "One last chance, Josh. This is it. We can't afford to pick you up with police ready to tackle you and take you to jail..."

Josh only places his head in his hands, mumbling, "I know. I promise. I'm trying. I screwed up."   
  
His mom kneels in front of him, moving his hands away and grabbing his chin—forcing Josh to face his mother's concerning eyes, "No more. You have to promise me that you'll work with us and not against us. We want to help you get better, Josh. I love you, but I can't keep worrying if you'll end up in the hospital or jail..."

Josh nods profusely, "Yes. I'm sorry."

They share a brief hug and Josh wanted to fall apart in his mom's arms, confess everything that had overtook his mind for 5 whole years—what tortured him in the night, what Tyler and he held so close they used to be inseparable. The skeletons that scared Josh half to death, because he had come so close to death with Tyler. But the truth remained silent in the room except for his small sobs as he hugged his mom, hoping one day he could have the strength to tell her the truth.   
  
Josh knew he was lying to himself—it would never happen, not while Tyler's name was etched in his skin.   
  
Josh had to admit to himself, despite it all, he was sorry for hitting and ruthlessly beating Tyler to a pulp. He couldn't live with himself knowing their history, the extent their friendship went to over the years, that one slip of his temper led him to nearly _killing_ his best friend. Josh felt the need to salvage what he could of their broken friendship as he took out his iPhone and chewed on the inside of his cheek as he nervously typed into his keyboard.   
  
"... I'm sorry.... About everything."   
  
He paused, hovering over the 'send' button as if it were a death sentence in the making. He walks around his room, debating and rethinking the text over and over again. Once he finally decides to send it, he feels instant regret—what the fuck had he just done?   
  
"Shit... Shit... Shit...." He cusses to himself as he nibbles on his right thumb, staring at his iMessage.

' ** _delivered_** '   
  
There was no turning back in his mind, he had admitted wrong and wanted to make things right—or, at least _better_.

' _ **seen**_ '   
  
Now Josh felt nervous as he could see Tyler was typing back.

"Okay."   
  
Josh knew Tyler wasn't being honest, he was using a short reply to avoid him. Could he really blame Tyler for wanting to avoid his crazy ass? He had practically beaten Tyler to death and felt no remorse at the time, he wanted to see Tyler hurt and that frightened Josh the most. He was always so willing to protect him, always more willing to make sure Tyler was okay and wouldn't let anything harm him. Not after being in that cellar, not after everything they had been through.   
  
"Are we good then?"   
  
Josh sent it faster than he initially desire to, and of course Tyler saw the message but didn't reply. Josh tossed his phone on his bed, he wasn't surprised he really couldn't blame Tyler if he wanted nothing to do with him. After all, Josh had proven to be twice the crazy Tyler ever showed—even with Tyler being a technical murderer—Josh felt like the murderer.   
  
He had desired to end Tyler's life in that moment—more than any other feeling, and that scared him.   
  
Biting his lip he stares at his leg, he was wearing his shorts and Tyler's name showed—above the knee marked their friendship, their secret... He closed his eyes and all he saw was sunflowers before the image was crashed by flickers of him beating Tyler to the ground.   
  
Josh immediately opens his eyes and covers his mouth as he felt the horror run coldly through his veins.   
  
"Fuck..."

  
Was there nothing to salvage between him and Tyler?   
  
Josh's two week suspension tortuously passes by and he never felt so happy and relieved to head into school than he did on Monday morning. Despite talking to his therapist, Mrs. Jones, out of prescribing more anti-anxiety pills and even suggesting anti-psychotics he managed to get her to believe he didn't need the extra meds than the regular ones he was on already.   
  
Josh knew that everyone would be staring at him, after all, his meltdown went viral on most social media platforms. People across the world knew he had lost his shit and nearly beaten Tyler to death. Everyone avoided him like he was the plague, not a single soul went near him as he made his way to Mr. Weekes' office. The moment he took a seat in the familiar office he felt a little better, a little more normal than the last two weeks of isolation had brought him. When Dallon entered the room, he stared at Josh briefly as he took a seat.

"So, how was the two weeks of home-prison like?"

"Awful."   
  
Dallon sat back, "Good, a lesson to be learned."

Josh rolled his eyes at Dallon, "Is my misery amusing to you, Mr. Weekes?"   
  
"—Dallon, you can call me by my first name as I've mentioned many times before."

"Sorry..." Josh fiddled with his phone, still no reply from Tyler. A near two weeks and nothing.   
  
"It's fine, I'm wanting to check up on you. How are you feeling, Josh?"   
  
"Like shit... pardon my language."

Dallon leans forward, his chin resting on the palm of his right hand with his legs crossed. "As I would expect. Do you feel better being in school? Will Tyler's presences trigger another episode?"   
  
Josh shakes his head firmly, "No. I'm... I'm trying to fix that, I've got a good handle on it..."

Dallon leans back in his chair, "I have to keep a close eye on you now, Josh. I have no choice as  not only the school requested it but your parents did as well."

Josh knew it was bound to happen, "Yeah... I guessed as much."

"Well," Dallon breathes, "I think we discussed things enough for today. Debby has chosen to keep a routine with you, so as per usual she's waiting outside the door for you."   
  
Josh felt at ease with himself knowing Debby wasn't absolutely terrified of him, and willing to try and still be his friend even after all the bullshit he felt he had put her through. The moment he got out the door and was greeted by her smile, he felt better, like he hadn't completely fucked his whole life up contrary to his personal belief the last two weeks.

"I'm sorry I couldn't text you," Debby says right away as she sips her morning Starbucks coffee.

"It's cool, I'm just... shocked you'd still want to be associated with me after... everything..." Josh trails off. His sights landing on the ground as he scuffed his black Converse against the polished floor.   
  
"Pft." Her smile growing. "It was definitely scary but I don't think you meant what you did."

That hurt him to hear from Debby's innocent lips, because he knew that was a lie... he had **meant** it, every fist that landed on Tyler had purpose at that time. He had lost himself and his anger meant every wound he had inflicted on Tyler. And for that, Josh felt ashamed of himself. He had a darker side to himself that only showed in a glimpse of a physical act. Debby didn't know what he was capable of, hell, he didn't know what he was capable of.   
  
"I guess..." Josh lies as he looks up to Debby's smiling face. Why did he feel so guilty looking at her now?   
  
They enter the music room, going near the corner of the room that had desks to sit on top of as they usually did, hearing their morning lecture from the always chipper, Mr. Urie. But this time was different as Josh placed his bag onto the ground beside a desk, everyone is surrounding the only old television the school hadn't bothered to get rid of quite yet.   
  
"Someone turn it to channel 8!" someone shouts in the room, Both Josh and Debby look at each other confused as to what's going on as Debby decides to join the forming crowd of students. Josh stays back by the desk as he could see the television perfectly from where he stood.   
  
Channel 8 tunes in and Josh feels all the blood in him drain and his heart drop to his stomach—the image is of the field, the field he had haunted his nightmares.   
  
No.   
  
"Breaking news; we just got reports of a body found inside a cellar on Mr. Huntington's property, where the man—Mr. Huntington, had been missing for years as the family reported dating back... We are just getting in reports that he is confirmed to have suspicious articles of clothes and materials within the cellar.... The police are confirming that it was foul play involved..."   
  
They found him. They found the monster that had been haunting him for the last 5 years.   
  
Josh can't feel anything as his eyes roll back and like flashing lightning he drops, the last thing he sees is the corner of the desk and Debby screaming.   
  
\- 7 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please comment, thank you!  
> I hope next chapter to the next one after will be joshler smut  
> thanks for reading and putting up with me  
> here's the playlist and the song accompanying this chapter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC1d4ir9n3c&list=PLZaHTvJbXQciJitGPhcDcVdWfylrPhbW3&index=19


	8. Wilting Flowers on the Windowsill

**_Wilting Flowers on the Windowsill_ **   
  
  
  
  


When Josh opened his eyes the first thing he could focus on was the fluorescent lights, his eyes hurting as they welled up from the lights--stinging. His vision is blurred as he squinted to focus his sights on the source of the murmuring in the unknown room, his head throbbed like hell, he hadn't felt this kind of pain since his suicide attempt and that was a painful experience to relive. He begun to recognize things around him—he was in a hospital, there was people within the room, he tries his best to piece things together as he feels the thin sheets beneath his fingers. His knuckles still bruised and his whole body hurts as he readjusted himself, groaning as he does it alarms everyone around him.

"He's awake!" Debby's voice pierces the heavy air as her hair reminded Josh of sunlight. She was beaming down at him as he managed a half-ass smile.

"Hey..." It comes out groggy and broken as he focuses on his family staring back at him just behind Debby. "How long have I been out for?"

"Well, good afternoon, my name is Dr. Farland." the white coat throws Josh off but he immediately recognizes the man as a doctor. "Can you tell me your name?"

"Joshua... Dun..."

"Birthdate?"

"June 18th..." Josh mumbles, it hurt to talk but mostly it hurt his head to think.

"Okay, I'm just going to check your pupils as they seem slightly dilated." He flashes the small flashlight into Josh's eyes. "Looks normal... How's your head feeling?"

"Like a mess." Josh admits as he rubs his head.

"Well, son, you had what we call in the medical field a 'dissociative seizure' and we've kept you on monitoring for the last 27 hours—a little over a day. You had your family and quite a few friends worried there for a moment."

Josh only nods as Dr. Farland continues, "These happen only in cases of severe PTSD episodes."

The dreaded words Josh didn't want to hear, "Am I okay to be released?" the first thing Josh wanted was out of this hellhole. He had been in enough hospitals in his life.

"Yes, of course, as we've made sure you're okay to go. You've been in and out of consciousness but I would like to talk with your psychiatrist over the next few weeks. We believe this to be a very rare case of an episodic moment as from your medical history we have never seen this before from you."

Josh sifted through his brain and tried to conjure up some excuse as to why he had a seizure from what everyone else could tell, was out of nowhere. But Josh knew the true reason as to why he had collapsed as he did, why he felt like the world had come crashing down on him. 

"Do you think it's the result of my meds? They have a whole list longer than my arm of side effects..."  Josh excuses as his family all stare at him as if he was an alien that crashed on the planet. Big-eyed and confused, and a little terrified.

The doctor suddenly jots notes down as if a light bulb had lit up in his head, "We will definitely look further into the matter. You're a smart young man, we will definitely keep a close eye on your prescriptions with your psychiatrist."

"Am I okay to leave?"

Dr. Farland nods, "Well, so far your vitals and everything else, it looks good."

The doctor nods approvingly to Josh's parents as they all seem to unify on a decision with Josh's health as his mother gives the final nod. The doctor turns back and smiles at Josh, "Well I don't see a reason to not be released."

"I'll leave you all to talking, and we hope you do check in with our nurses before leaving. I would like to call and check up on you in the next 24 hours, Josh."

Josh nods, he was eager to leave, he wanted his phone back so he could text the only person whom understood exactly how he felt with the news... That the monster had a name, he was found, but there was no evidence left of Josh and Tyler's torture there. There was nothing to prove their secret was out, the only thing people knew was this monster had a name.

Josh felt like a broken record as he apologized and hugged everyone as they all went down a continuous lineup, until he finally had his eyes meet Debby. She looked tired and pale, for once her features weren't the brightly lit sunflower fields he mentally associated with her image. She looked exhausted and the rings that were showing subtly under her eyes really looked much darker on her pale skin. Even behind her usual smile it revealed that she was probably traumatized by his seizure.  He hugs her, she's momentarily stiff and finally hugs him back. He forgot how she smelled, sweet and somehow floral, but hugging her comforted him in a way not many could.

"I'm sorry for scaring you."

"Don't you dare say you're sorry, that wasn't your fault," she runs circle motions on his back for a moment. "You're gonna be okay."

Josh had a hard time believing her words, she was always so optimistic and at this very moment, Josh felt like a realist. He couldn't look at her directly, he had to keep his eyes away from her before she'd notice the pain that was making its way through him on all levels. Josh felt... broken, if he could put any proper wording to it. He was broken from trying to keep himself so well composed through all the recent events, he wanted to let everything out—the secrets that riddled his body in all sorts of indescribable pain, both physically and mentally. Falling and hitting the corner of a desk didn't help either—but the shock of knowing that his and Tyler's secret was out... terrified him.

And the only person he felt he had the courage to see was, in fact, Tyler.

The moment everyone left Josh alone by his personal request, Josh sighed and felt as if he could let the huge weight in his chest go. Having his family and Debby hover over him just made him feel constricted in the room, he hates the gown he's forced to wear, having his back exposed and feeling practically naked was just... awkward, nothing about hospitals made Josh feel anything but anxious. He begins to change into the clothes his mom brought him, as he puts on his pants and takes off his hospital gown a ghostly touch to his back forces him to pause.

The touch is warm, he could tell it was just the tips of their fingers and he stops himself from grabbing his shirt to turn around and face the person. It didn't shock him at all when his eyes met the familiar pair of brown orbs, despite the bruises and obvious black rings Josh had inflicted on him, the calming nature Tyler had to his eyes always pulled Josh in. He would be lying to himself if he ever denied Tyler's abilities to not only drive him insane, but to also calm him in a way nobody else could. Because Tyler understood Josh wordlessly, there didn't need to be words as their eyes affirmed everything that they needed to say in that moment.

"How are you holding up?" Tyler asks lowly, it's in a soft tone—nothing giving away any pain or any resentment. It wasn't a tone Josh expected from Tyler, because after everything they had done to each other the last month was everything but friendly.

"Tyler..." Josh's eyes couldn't leave Tyler's as he said it with all honesty, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything."

Tyler bites his lower lip as he looks away only for a moment, "I know. I know you are... I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for being such a... bad..." Tyler was almost lost in his thoughts as he was nearly whispering at this point and Josh could sense it, Tyler was hiding something from him.

"... Friend?" Josh finishes and to his surprise Tyler flinches at the word. Josh can see the unease Tyler is having with the word.

"Aren't... we friends?" Josh suddenly dreads whatever Tyler wants to say next, he was unpredictable like that, calculative but unpredictable with his answers.

"Did you like kissing Ashley?" Tyler avoids Josh's question completely with another question.

Josh raised his brows a little confused as to what Tyler was implying by this as he blushed. "It wasn't like I haven't been kissed before, Tyler."

He watches Tyler flush and begin to change his footing to try and leave, Josh grabs Tyler's arm, "Tyler... Listen, when I kissed her I... I thought it was you. When she covered my eyes I thought it was maybe Debby at first... but then I convinced myself... It was you."

Tyler bites his bottom lip as he stands in front of Josh, "Josh,"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to be your friend... I want more, is why I came here... because the thought of you being... with anyone... pisses me off—it drives me insane... I... I don't think I can handle friendship anymore."

"And me hitting my head on a desk didn't concern you?"

Tyler's face turns red as he sighs looking away momentarily, "I was worried but I didn't think you'd want me here..."

"Debby?" Josh assumed that Tyler associated his distance because of her, but she truly was just a friend to Josh.

"A little... but you also assaulted me, so I kind of assumed you were done with me... but I... I couldn't live with that..."

"I'm sorry about that... I really am," Josh grabs Tyler's hands and his thumbs pass over the pads of his hands. Drawing them closer as Josh finally received a comfort he hadn't had in a month—their foreheads touching and it was relieving for him. "I don't want to be just friends either, Tyler."

A tiny smile tugs up on the side of Tyler's face as he whispers "I forgive you but..." he gets closer to Josh's neck to the spot he had kissed more than a month ago he now bites down in a possessive manner. It stings but Josh allows it, it was payback for the fight and Josh understood that. "Never kiss another person again, okay?"

Josh chuckles lowly, "And what about you? Did you kiss Ashley?"

Tyler rolls his eyes, "Pft."

Josh gradually moves forward forcing Tyler to stumble back until his back is against the wall as their eyes never straying from each other; the excitement builds between them as Josh's hands snaking to Tyler's sides.  Josh repeats the question, "I asked you a question, did you or did you not kiss Ashley?"

"No—" Tyler couldn't quite get the rest of his usual explanations, because Josh had enough with words at this point. He wanted to be smothered in comfort, he wanted to see how far he could push the boundaries—the new boundaries they had, as his lips crashed against Tyler's feverishly.

Josh didn't desire space, he didn't want to feel or hear anything other than Tyler, he wanted to memorize the feeling of his slightly chapped lips against his own, the taste of Tyler's mouth as he was about to mumble something. Josh lifts Tyler by his thighs, pinning him against the wall and it's almost instinctual like they had done this a million times as Tyler wrapped his legs around Josh's hips, and arms draped around his neck. There was no space between the tongue-mingling kisses or their bodies as they were completely pressed up to each other. Each small noise Tyler let escape between the suffocating kisses Josh wanted more, he wasn't willing to let Tyler adjust to the situation but like the poised and calculative person he was, Tyler's fingers made their way to his hair and the kisses became hotter.

The sexual tension that hadn't been addressed was about to if Josh let it go on any longer and the riskiness of their situation really put them in a messed up excitement—they could get caught. Josh's whole family and Debby were outside waiting for him, and here he was, entangled in Tyler. Something about the whole situation made it more thrilling and Josh wanted more, he wanted all of it—whatever Tyler had to offer, Josh wanted.

Once Tyler bites Josh's bottom lip nearly drawing blood, Josh pulls away and their eyes finally meet, "Fuck. I want  you," Josh completely admits as he watches Tyler's eyes darken.

"You already have me." Tyler continues as his words translates to whispers and kisses on Josh's neck.

Josh only reciprocates the notion with small bites to Tyler's neck as he inhales Tyler's scent, it was overwhelming and even if Josh's head was throbbing from the soreness of his injuries, he didn't care. He wanted this and the way he got it was so different than what he could possibly imagine. 

Just when they are almost too caught up in each other's affection, a knock on the door stops them and freezes them in their place. "Josh? What's taking you so long, do you need help?"

It's Josh's mom.

Josh slowly lets Tyler down and his arms are wrapped around Tyler as he says, "No. I am almost ready."

"Okay, we'll be here waiting."

Josh nuzzles his face in Tyler's neck as he sighs, "You're the worst."

Tyler's hands trace on Josh's back as he whispers, "I know." 

Josh finally manages to stare at Tyler as he pulls Tyler against him and leans in, their foreheads touching as he sighs, kissing Tyler gently and Tyler in-turn drags his finger nails down Josh's back. They manage to pull away and it's hard for Josh to not want to go back to pinning Tyler against a wall and have Tyler's nails dig so deep he'd bleed. That's what Tyler wanted and what Tyler wanted, Josh gave to him and vice versa.

When Josh stared into Tyler's eyes now, all he saw was sunflower fields and he wanted to get lost in them.

**\- 8**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone~  
> I have good news and bad news,  
> my computer is broken (I borrowed this one for the time being) until I get it fixed this week  
> that's why I didn't update as quickly as I wanted to but I promise to do my best plus I got everything backed up on my flashdrive!  
> FEEDBACK IS MUCH APPRECIATED  
> I hope to write a long-ass chapter of smut, so look forward to that, frens!


	9. A Flower on the Ledge

**A Wild Flower on the Ledge**  
  
  
  
  
The smell of humid dirt filtered into his nostrils, the entanglement of fear entrapping Josh's throat as he wheezed desperately, his arms reaching out as he swore the monster was above him with that godforsaken camera and hunting knife. He was ready to fight back but he found himself petrified and wanting to get away, he thrashes out defiantly and he remembers the smell of the man's rotten breath as the man nears him. He has his hands wrapped around his neck, Josh struggles and the man's face soon changes into his own. It terrifies him as he feels a weight to his chest and someone calling his name.   
  
Josh open's his eyes to Tyler's worried face and brown eyes, "Josh! Wake up!"

The whole room is spinning as Josh finally grasps that he's at home, Tyler must have been sleeping over, and he only manages to get three words out, "I feel sick." The teen leans himself to the side of the bed as he throws up.

Josh can hear footsteps of what he assumes is his mom, as her voice hangs heavy in the room as she tells Tyler to step away from Josh. The familiar feeling of his mom's hand cooling his sweating forehead is a relief as he leans against her, she only reassures him that it was a night terror— **it wasn't real**. Josh waits for his bodily tremors to dissipate before he can relax as the sweat and tears roll off.

Once reality felt tangible again with his mom gently rubbing his back in soothing motions, she begins using the relaxation techniques Dr. Jones had taught them. She talks him through breathing, reminding Josh that he was present and very real. Things that he forgets when he had this intense of night terrors. He thought the sleep therapy and his regular therapy would help, but they were getting worse.

When all is said and done, Josh is left with Tyler staring at him. A still worried expression evident on his face, it became obvious—

Tyler whispers, "Josh... are you afraid they'll find out?"

He blinks murmuring back, "I don't know—maybe, I'm not sure. Him being found..." he sniffles staring down at his feet.

The silence is deafening, the weight making Josh not feel any better about the whole situation. Tyler sits next to him, placing his hand on Josh's left knee, his fingers passing over his name, "He won't hurt us again,"

Josh makes brief eye contact, "I'm not afraid of him hurting anyone. I know he's dead. I'm afraid I'll hurt someone..." Josh admits, "I'm scared of hurting you, mom, my family, and friends... what if I'm the monster?"

Tyler moves his hand to Josh's already formed fist as he squeezes over top of Josh's fist, "You're not a monster, Josh. Just scared..."

Josh bites his lip, "Why aren't you scared?"

Tyler gives a side smile, "I've got you."

Josh is thrown off, "What do you mean?"

"I feel safe around you," Tyler leans his head against Josh's shoulder, "Don't you feel the same around me?"

Josh was speechless for a moment as he realized that to some degree in their friendship since the kidnapping he'd been afraid of Tyler. Josh didn't have words to form and the realization terrified him more than the night terror he had just experienced because he felt unsure... Was it okay to be afraid of someone you loved?   
  
Later that morning, Josh managed to squeeze a few hours of sleep before he and Tyler had to get dressed and drudge their way to school. It was quiet between he and Tyler, Josh didn't put too much thought to it, with a significant amount of medications he had learned to control his paranoia a lot better when it came to silence shared between them both. Josh normally would want the silence filled with words, to distract him but this particular morning he savored their silence.   
  
When the small talk between his family and finishing breakfast was over, they left the house with the realization that it would be Josh's first day back since his seizure. What surprised Josh was to see Tyler unease about the silence as once they pulled up to the parking lot at the school, and Tyler parks his car, he stares at Josh.

"What's running through your head right now?"

A presumptuous question, but Josh was impressed to see Tyler cut to the chase, he usually went around with a vex approach to asking Josh questions. Their eyes meet as Josh taps his fingers on his knee momentarily.

"What we talked about last night..."   
  
Tyler looks over his shoulder for a moment then his eyes meet Josh's, "What about it?"

Josh couldn't will himself to admit some of the very dark thoughts that muddled his brain. He decides against confessing his true thoughts. "Did you mean it when you said you feel safe around me? After me, well, not exactly being the safest person to be around?"

Josh's eyes look down at his healing knuckles and they're soon covered by Tyler's own hands that were not unscathed considering the fight they had. Tyler brings Josh's knuckles up to his lips and kisses them gently, "forgiven and forgotten."

It was bittersweet for Josh, seeing Tyler so easily forgive him. Josh felt guilty for letting Tyler forgive him, because he was scared to admit that he was unsure if it would happen again... his rage proved to be an unpredictable **thing**. Once Tyler let go of his hands he felt the need to kiss him, just to be sure that everything was real.

To Josh, it didn't matter if Tyler's lips were chapped, they always had a softness to them. The kiss was spontaneous and deep down, Josh feared that Tyler would reject the kiss. But to his personal relief, Tyler kissed him back and it was an exchange of mutual roughness, when they separated Tyler bites his lip.

"That was random," Tyler admits, "not that I don't like random."

"I just wanted to be sure... this was real," Josh sighs, "silly I guess."

Tyler grabs Josh's hand, "Not silly at all, lets head in?"   
  
Josh checks his phone quickly and realizes he's already late to see the counselor. "Shit. Yeah, I have to see Mr. Weekes, I'm already late."

"Yeah and basketball practice already started," Tyler rolls his eyes. "Guess I'll see you at lunch?"

They get out of the car and Josh places his phone in his hoodie pocket, "Yeah. Just text me."

Tyler nods, "Sounds good."

And both head their separate ways as to Josh's personal shock, the counselor's office is closed, he notices Debby waiting at the door with a coffee in one hand, the other on her phone. He approaches her as she finally places her phone down to smile her usual smile to Josh.

"Hey! How did that sleepover go?" Debby was always informed somehow, Josh wasn't even all too sure how she knew things. But he decided not to question her as much as he usually did, he was more distracted by the stares he got.

"Good." Josh drags out the last part into a mumble as more groups of students whispered and stared at him as they walked by.

"Don't worry about them, people just have a hard time adjusting to you being back here."

"Why? They're not the one's involved..." Josh retorts unenthusiastically. "Where's Mr. Weekes anyways? I was supposed to see him."

"He's on vacation right now, I thought I texted you about it? I must have forgotten, because of the camping trip for the band class."

Josh raises his brows as Debby sipped her coffee, "uh. I wasn't told about this."

"Yeah, it was in the memo they sent out, maybe you didn't check you student email or whatever. We're leaving tomorrow morning and staying the whole weekend camping. While you were gone we hosted a fundraiser and to celebrate the fact we got our goal, the whole class gets to go out camping."

Josh shivered at the thought, "Are we allowed to bring other students with us?"

Debby shrugs, "I'm not all too sure, but I can take a wild guess as who you want to sneak with you..."

Josh rolls his eyes, "Debs. Please don't say it."

Debby grins as she chants in a small mocking voice, "Josh has a crush."

Debby knew after the hospital visit, that he and Tyler had become a thing. She pieced it together faster than anyone else did as they kept it under wraps for a very long while. When Josh took a week off from school, somehow, Debby figured them out and over a 2 minute phone call accepted them and supported them. Josh found Debby to be one of the closest friends he had made since childhood, he was thankful for her because without her and Tyler, he'd probably be back at homeschooling by now.   
  
"I would roll my eyes to the back of my head if I could right now." Josh teases as Debby playfully pats his shoulder.

"Don't worry, sneak your little psycho boyfriend with us. He has a car, doesn't he?" She smiles.

"We're probably going to break the rules."

Josh can tell there's a mischievous glint in Debby's eyes, "That's if we get caught."   
  
As Debby wrapped her arm around his and guided him to their first period, Josh felt anxious about camping. He hadn't gone camping since the kidnapping.   
  
\- 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, I'm sorry for taking so long on this. IRL stuff has been in the way, I also had something totally different planned with this but the story and the characters decided to take it a different direction. I hope to write more often, thanks for everyone's support on this.


	10. The Legend of the Man in the Woods

The Legend of the Man in the Woods   
  
  
Josh was personally surprised that his mom agreed to let him go on the school’s camping trip, even if it was supervised with other students and teachers. The whole bus ride to the camp was him and Debby making small talk, Josh knew it was mostly to get his mind off the fact everyone avoided him like he had the plague. Josh didn’t really care all that much for people avoiding him, he had learned to accept his isolation over the years, it wasn’t anything new but he deep down appreciated Debby’s concern to make him feel less like a freak.   
  
The moment they arrived at the camp, he was assigned to unloading the equipment, and much to his surprise he notices a familiar tall figure next to him, “Hey, need a little help?”

Josh had to admit he was personally surprised, “What are you doing here?”

Dallon grinned, “Ah, well, I am the school’s councilor I’m required to attend as student’s can need counseling at any given time.”

“What about the students back at school?”

“I got a substitute, a colleague of mine,” Dallon grabs a case from above Josh and hauls it down, “why? Did you think I had disappeared?”

Josh snorts as he continues to grab cases, passing it to other students, “No—as if, it’s the fact it was mandatory for me to see you and you weren’t there.”

“Ah, yes. I had personal business to attend to, I’m sorry about that. I thought perhaps Debby had given you my memo.”

Josh shrugged, “Well whatever, you’re here now, are you planning to council the whole band? I thought the whole point of this camping trip was to escape that.”

Dallon chuckles, “It’s my job, anyways, I will see you in the lobby. If you do wish to talk, don’t hesitate to find me.”

Josh rolled his eyes, “Yeah, whatever, Mr. Weekes.”

As both wrapped up unloading the bus, and Dallon left, Debby grabs Josh by the arm, “Mr. Urie is calling us all to the main cabin for the rules or whatever, as if anyone’s going to follow it.”

Josh nods, the camp had only one main cabin, it was large enough to fit maybe half the class, it was a good thing Josh brought his tent and camping equipment. He gazes around, they’re surrounded by thick forestry, there’s a large bon fire in the middle of the camp, a separate building for practice, and a rock climbing wall. It was a two hour drive to get out here and it unsettled Josh to be outside the city, but he decided to shrug it off.

Both enter into the cabin and immediately Josh senses a relief to see Tyler and a few more people beside him at the camp, Josh wasn’t all too sure how Tyler smuggled his way to attending camp but Tyler always seemed to find a way. He stood beside Mr. Urie and another music teacher, Mr. Stump, both seemed impressed to see the two band classes combined.

“Welcome to our fifth annual fundraiser trip, as you all may have noticed, we gave some of you a notice that you will be experiencing an authentic camping trip with tents and sleeping bags, and the rest will stay well supervised with the staff. Mr. Weekes will also be here on site for any concerns you may have.” The buzz of the students whispering, some groaning at Mr. Urie for basically announcing that some people were going to get away with breaking rules and the rest would be supervised. “The rules are simple, after the bonfire around 10pm, you are all required to turn in for curfew. If we catch any of you breaking these rules you’ll be our personal servants for the rest of the trip. And we won’t make it fun, it’ll be kitchen duty included.”

Josh caught some girls giggling and making jokes about wanting to break curfew if it meant they’d spend more time with Mr. Urie. Both Josh and Debby rolled their eyes as now Mr. Stump spoke up.

“We are also welcoming the basketball team as they volunteered for extra credits to help us all out, as the volume of students to turn out this year at camp was… unexpected, but in the best way possible. We will be having several day classes to practice, and we have a schedule posted here—” Mr. Stump points at a laminated paper pinned to the wall on his left, “That will tell you all about when you will be required in classes or activities. If you’re needing the bathroom, there’s a sanitary building just east of the building it’s a five minute walk. Now, set up camp, we already got most of you partnered up for your rooms and enjoy!”

Everyone cheers, and Josh only watches Tyler as he speaks with Mr. Urie then nods his head and walks away. Josh chews his lip, he knew he had to get camp set up, “Hey, Debs are you in the main building or outside?”

Debby smiles, “You think I would want to be in the main building? I plan to sneak around, I requested to be outside.”

Josh grins, “Of course.”

“I’m guessing you’re outside too?”

Josh nods, “Yep.”

“I hope Ty can escape Mr. Urie and Mr. Stump, because those guys never relax on these trips. I catch Mr. Urie smoking last year, students drove him nuts. He will probably be watching you and Tyler like a hawk,”

Josh sighed, “Why?”   
  
Debby points to Josh’s knuckles, “Really got to ask?”

Josh groaned, “Well fuck,”

Debby quips, “Certainly won’t be any ‘fucking’ if the teachers can prevent it. He’s probably stuck in the main building too.” She giggles as they make their way out of the main cabin and start to do what the other half of the class does, set up their camp.

It doesn’t take much time for Josh to get his tent and belongings set up, Debby’s tent is a good twenty feet away from his. Josh absorbs the scenery, he hadn’t been much of a camper since the promise he and Tyler made. Josh missed camping, his whole family would camp every summer since he was a child it was something he missed since making that promise 5 years ago. He missed the fresh air, the open space and the sound of trees rustling in the distance. His eyes memorized the oranges, reds, and yellows in the falling leafs as the fall season sent a shiver up his spine, he withheld the thought of how he always associated fall with the trauma he had endured so long ago. Josh shakes his head and as he does a light touch to his shoulder ends his train of thought, he turns to see Debby smiling at him.

“What’s up?” Josh nonchalantly responds, blinking away any emotion that might project through him.

“I wanted to ask if you wanted to play some basketball. The court is open.” She points across the camp to the basketball court near the rock climbing wall.

“Sure. Are you playing?” Josh raises a sarcastic brow towards Debby.

She rolls her eyes and playfully punches Josh’s arm, “No shit. I can probably win against you anyways.”

Josh grins, “I’ll take that as a challenge. You’re on, Debs.”

The court was empty, as Debby set down her mug of coffee and stretches, grabbing the ball. Josh chuckles to himself, he wasn’t used to anyone wanting to play sports against him. Even before the promise, he never had people really challenge him except Tyler.

“Alright, let’s play!” Debby announces.

Josh didn’t expect Debby to be so quick on her feet but she proved to be as she manages to pass him and score a point within the first two minutes of their game.

“Well shit.” Josh laughed, “Since when do you practice basketball?”

Debby laughs, “Since I was championship in my home state before moving here.”

She passes him the ball as he chirps, “I guess I have so much to still learn about you.”

Debby smiles, “When you have rich parents, you get a lot of spare time.”

The game continues as both score an even amount of points, before Debby can score a final point, a boy Josh didn’t recognize until the snobbish grin gave him very unsavory flashbacks, it was Steven. Steven shoves Debby to the side, she pushes back at Steven.

“What the fuck is your problem, Steven?” Debby retaliates.

“None of your business, Debs.”

“It kind of is since you pushed me off the court. I was playing.”

Steven ignores her as he points at Josh, “Me and you have a score to settle.”

Josh can feel the anger bubbling up inside of him as he didn’t like the way Steven was treating Debby. “So you feel like pushing Debs around is a way to ‘settle the score’?”

“You’re one to talk, there, bud. Considering your history. Nobody wants you here, you know that right?”

Josh grits between his teeth, “I’m not your ‘bud’, Steven.”

“Well, why don’t you man up and play against me so we can settle the score.”

Debby watches them, “You better kick his butt in the game, Josh!”

Josh nods as Steven grins, “Game on.”

“First one to score 10 baskets wins.”

Josh knew he shouldn’t be playing as he circled around the court, he picks up on the fact most students are surrounding them. Everyone watching in anticipation as Josh stretches, he doesn’t see Tyler or the teachers anywhere. This wasn’t good, and Josh could sense it, his anger wanting to come out to play. He resisted the urge to merely beat Steven to a pulp and end the game there. But that would lead him back to homeschooling and Josh didn’t make it this far only to be put back home.

The game starts and it became obvious that Steven was cheating, using his elbows, and knees to trip him or hit him. Josh manages to ignore most of Steven’s bullying attitude and score a few baskets, as the game picks up and Steven gets more aggressive, Josh can sense that his personal patience is wearing thin. Then it happens, Steven purposely hits his elbow into Josh’s face while trying to grab the ball from Josh. It takes Josh only a moment before he’s seeing red as he stops the game.

“What is your problem?” Josh confronts the teen, both get near each other and Steven was eager to start a fight.

“You’re my problem.” Steven retorts as he puffs up his chest trying to intimidate Josh.

Before Josh or Steven have a chance to fight, Mr. Urie and Dallon intervene, “Boys, break it up right now.”

Josh can only manage to make brief eye contact with Dallon as the older man grabs Josh by the collar of his shirt, “What’s going on?”

Josh a voids eye contact, “Nothing.”

Dallon rolls his eyes it was obvious that Josh was ready to fight anyone at this point, “This is your first warning, go for a walk and clear your head.”

Josh shoves away, he didn’t want to be bothered with the teachers or anyone for that matter, even Debby knew to stay away. He makes his way to the path in the woods that leads to the lake, kicking stones and leafs as he took a moment to breathe on the path. He had to get his anger under control as his fists squeezed and his knuckles became white, Josh looks up at the sky and the tree branches, watching the leafs flutter down in different colors. He took a deep breath as he could smell the mixture of damp dirt and leafs. Josh continues to make his way further down the path, then he hears a snapping twig and stops himself, he turns around to see where the source of the noise is and to his surprise there’s nothing.

Josh decides to continue walking, then he hears a low whisper and stops himself again to find the source of the noise. Again, he sees nothing… This unsettles him as he tried to convince himself that he must be imagining it, and then his opinion changes entirely as to his left he notices a shadow in the woods. It’s in the distance hiding between two trees is a shadowy figure, Josh couldn’t mistake it, it was a person. He doesn’t think, as he walks off the path and nearly trips as he descends into a ditch. He was convinced he might have scared the shadowy figure away but it continues to stand in the far distance, Josh manages to get himself up and as he blinks to be sure he truly wasn’t imaging anything he hears a familiar voice.

“Hey, what are doing down there?” Debby crouches to look at Josh at the bottom of the ditch. “I’ve been looking for you, are you okay?”

Josh looks at Debby then turns back to the pair of trees where the shadowy figure was hiding and sees nothing. “Uh… I tripped, my bad… I’m okay.”

Debby reaches her hand out as Josh climbs up, once he’s back on the path his eyes drift back to where the figure had been. Did he imagine it?   
  
“You know your boyfriend went after Steven, right?”   
  
Josh raises his brows, “What do you mean?”

Debby rolls her eyes, “I mean exactly what I just said, Tyler challenged Steven to a match right after you left.”   
  
“Have the teachers broken them up yet?”

Debby shrugs, “I don’t think they expect Tyler to hurt Steven… As he doesn’t have a record of violence with other students… No offense…”

Josh chews on his bottom lip, “Yeah, at least Tyler can manage that.”

Debby only pats Josh’s back gently, “At least you held back when Steven hit you, I was sure you were going to kill him on the court.”

Josh chuckles darkly to himself, “I guess I leave that impression with my anger.”

Before Debby can reply back, both hear a crowd of students cheer and scream. Both look at each other for a moment then jog back to the camp where they witness Steven get hit square in the face with a basketball with enough force Josh was sure Steven’s nose could break. Josh approaches with Debby next to him they watch Tyler grab the ball back as Steven chokes on his own blood, again Mr. Urie intervenes as the students back up to give them space.

“That’s strike one for you, Tyler, we’re going to talk about this!”

Tyler drops the ball and shrugs, “Sure, Mr. Urie.”

Josh watches as Tyler acts so nonchalantly about assaulting Steven from what everyone else could tell, for no reason. Josh didn’t expect Tyler to just lose his cool like that, and once Tyler makes eye contact with him there’s a clench in his stomach. Before Josh gets a chance to even talk to Tyler, Mr. Urie grabs him and Steven to the main building.

“Seems you and Tyler are not so different after all, huh?” Debby comments.

  
Sundown came quicker than to Josh’s personal liking. After dinner, it was a massive bonfire that everyone either sat on logs or lawn chairs, Josh sat next to Debby as everyone begins to settle, she leans on his shoulder. Josh looked for Tyler but he was nowhere to be spotted in the crowd, Mr. Urie started with a joke as he explained his first time at his own band camp and the pranks that would ensued. Josh didn’t really care what everyone was saying, as he was more focused on the heat of the fire and trying to not clench his hands. And just when Josh had enough of the fire and thought about leaving, a student speaks up about a local legend.

“Have you ever heard the legend about the Man in the woods?”   
  
“Ugh. Not this story… every year…” Debby groans.

Josh perks up, “What story?”   
  
Debby sighs, “It’s the same thing every year, just listen…”

“The story goes that a serial killer from New Jersey left to hide here in Ohio, he bought a plot of land in the country side… He was a recluse, most town folk thought he was a creep but didn’t pay much mind to him until… the kids started going missing,”   
  
Everyone becomes more engaged, some students cracking jokes. Josh on the other hand, stared deeply into the fire as unwanted images started to flash behind his lids. Josh could feel his fists begin to shake, the story started to feel less of a story to him as he struggled to keep his calm around everyone else.

“… So, nobody notices the first few kids that go missing, until two boys go missing.” The student practically smiles as he tells the legend. “And these boys were locals and well known to the town nearby, the whole town starts looking for these two kids. They search for days and days and never find them until two teenagers that camp out in the forest not far from where the notorious serial killer lives and they find the two boys, shockingly alive. They’re rescued and identify the man who kidnapped them, but when police arrive to his plot of land—he was nowhere to be found. When the kids described how they got kidnapped, they tell the police that they were playing in the forest not far from the park in the town and saw a shadowy man before they were swept up by the man. The kids were lucky compared to the victims the police found on the killers plot of land, and they say that if you wander the forests outside the city you might see his shadow in the forest… stalking and waiting for his next set of victims to accidentally walk his path…”

For a moment, there is an eerie, uncomfortable silence—then, laughter and jokes are cracked about the legend and how foolish it sounded. Everyone starts becoming merry and roast marshmallows and Mr. Urie suggests that everyone stops watching so many crime shows. Josh only stares down at his shaking fists, he takes a shaky breath as he felt a panic attack ready to grip his insides and torment his mind as he couldn’t withhold how terrified he was from the story.

It was far too close, it was far too surreal to think people could ****laugh**** at his horrifying reality. Even Debby let a small giggle out as she turned to Josh, “Can you believe that outlandish story? So fake.”

Josh bites down on his lip so hard he can almost taste blood as he manages a fake small smile, “Yeah, that’s crazy.”   
  
Josh looked out to the darkness, no comfort could be found even amongst his peers and friends. He felt what he had numbed himself to for a very long while—fear. He stands up and as he does he notices Mr. Urie staring at him, “Alright students, you know what time it is… Sorry to cut this short but it’s curfew, and we’ll be doing a checkup in fifteen minutes to make sure everyone is in their assigned tents and rooms.”

Josh had to stop the urge to throw up as he rushed his was to his tent, he had to get his anxiety under control. His whole body was shaking as traces of his past arose from the depths of his heavily medicated mind, Josh swore that all the meds would numb his brain enough to not relive it. But it was no use as once he managed into his tent, the tears rolled down and he clenched his stomach.

“No, no, no, no… Stop. It was a story… it was a story. They don’t know… they don’t know…” He kept whispering over and over again to himself as he rocked himself back and forth.

It took him what seemed forever in his mind before his anxiety subsided and he could get a proper grip on reality. His mind fogging as he took his night prescriptions to aid in numbing his brain. When the medication began to kick in and he laid himself down on his sleeping bag, he stared at the ceiling of his tent, trying to focus on anything that could keep his mind from all the stimulants he’d experienced camping so far. It was hard to get his mind not to rear back to Tyler and just where the hell he had disappeared to? Josh wasn’t sure where Tyler had gone since earlier in the day when he got himself in trouble. Josh does his best to not jump to the worse conclusions; like Tyler purposely ignoring him because he couldn’t contain his temper and that resulted in Tyler having to fight Steven, or that Tyler merely didn’t want to see Josh… That he was disinterested in speaking with him, and how could he blame him? His temper pushed everyone that he cared about away, but was it a bad thing to push Tyler away… Tyler scared Josh, he always had an unpredictable side to him—a darkness that Josh could never quite place his finger on.

He hears murmurs of students giggling and Mr. Urie’s voice urging everyone to get into their tents or head back to the main building. Josh only focuses on his breathing as the rest became static in his mind, he had to let the meds drown his overthinking and the traumatic memories that lurked his subconscious. Just as he felt his eyelids get droopy, a sudden twig snaps outside of his tent and he notices, someone is outside the entrance of his tent.

Josh grabs his phone, using his flashlight on to point at the entrance as the flap unzips; it’s Tyler. Josh instantly puts his phone away as he wraps his arms around Tyler’s neck and yanks him inside his tent. Josh squeezes Tyler and burrows his face into Tyler’s neck, breathing him in as he sighed. Suddenly, all his thoughts vanish into thin air and it’s as if he’s back home—Tyler was his comfort, and he was thankful as Tyler hugs him back and kisses his neck.

“Hey…” Tyler mumbles against Josh’s neck, “You okay?”

Josh finally manages to let his grip loosen and pulls away from Tyler’s warmth, “Yeah. You okay?”

“Well, one long day… Remind me to make sure you drop band next semester… This camp is a lot of bullshit rules.” He whispers playfully.

Josh only blinks, even in the darkness he can make out Tyler’s smile, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,”

Josh then asks, “Did Mr. Urie give you some kind of punishment? I didn’t see you all day.”

Tyler sighs in annoyance, “Don’t even get me started with Mr. Urie and his tyrant attitude I just got the guys to cover me. That teacher has got it out to make sure I am not even remotely close to you…”

“Oh… about Steven…” Josh mumbles, Josh still felt guilty about the incident and the fact it indirectly caused Tyler to get in trouble. As he was about to apologize for the trouble he caused he is silenced by Tyler placing his index finger over his lips.

“Shhh… I don’t want to hear about that asshole. I came here to see you.”

As Josh watches Tyler remove his finger from his lips, he notices Tyler lean in. Josh knew what to expect but nevertheless, it still didn’t seem real to him… it never felt like a tangible reality until the softness of Tyler’s lips met his, it wasn’t hesitant or nervous like Josh was used to. This kiss felt forceful, hot, borderline overwhelming as Tyler placed his hand on Josh’s chest. He knew what it indicated as the soft force of Tyler’s hand made him lay down, he felt the weight of Tyler on top of him as the kisses became more heated.

Josh manages to open his mouth to collect more air, but it’s futile as he’s met with Tyler’s hot tongue licking the roof of his mouth and their teeth clashing. The mixture of Tyler’s forceful make-out and his hands wandering lower and lower from Josh’s chest felt far too overwhelming as he whimpered, he wasn’t used to this at all from Tyler. There was something about the situation, how feverish and rushed it felt as they had never been this intimate—not since the hospital visit, even then, Tyler wasn’t like this. To Josh, this felt out of character and he couldn’t ignore how strange it felt. The moment Tyler stopped kissing him, Josh felt a sense of relief but he couldn’t deny it, there was a hunger in Tyler’s eyes and Josh couldn’t shake it off, even in the darkness.

“Ty…” Josh manages, his throat begins to dry and tighten as Tyler lifts his shirt up and begins to nip at the exposed skin. Josh squirms at the new sensation, “Ty… Tyler… S… Stop.”

The plea is ignored as Josh grips Tyler’s shoulders, “Ty, stop.”

Tyler continues to further himself down and his hands hook to the hem of jeans and that’s when Josh’s grip tightens, he maneuvers Tyler off of him swiftly. Tyler stares dumbfounded at Josh as Josh gets up and rushes out of the tent, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t quite understand what was happening to him as he made his way to the forest across the camp. He couldn’t control his feet or the rage he felt that Tyler was forcing himself on him, Josh wasn’t used to that type of advances from Tyler. It was uncharacteristic of him and that’s what upset Josh the most, how Tyler didn’t want to listen to him, just ignored him and Josh couldn’t understand why the whole situation troubled him as much as it did.

Josh wasn’t all too sure, but there was an uncertainty in him as he was now in complete darkness in the forest.

“Shit…” He murmurs to himself as he forgot his phone back in his tent. He bites his lip as he begins to search around, he didn’t even realize how fast he must have walked and how deep he was in the forest.

He couldn’t make out a single thing in the darkness, even when he gazes up, the trees are too thick and dense for Josh to even see the stars. He can feel his whole body shake as he could practically hear the retelling of the campfire story, he didn’t want to be in this situation. He searches around aimlessly, as he does he hears a sudden crunch and branches breaking behind him, the sound is getting louder and the footsteps are fast.

Upon instinct Josh grabs the approaching force and once they impact a tree, the person sounds winded as Josh squints in the darkness, his hands are gripped tightly around someone’s throat. He recognizes instantly that it’s Tyler, and releases his grip on Tyler’s throat.

“Sorry, I just thought you were…” Did Josh really believe in that stupid campfire story?

“No,” Tyler wheezes for a moment as he wraps his hands around Josh’s wrists and brings his hands back around his throat, “is that what you wanted?”

Josh is speechless, despite the darkness and stillness of the forest, Tyler’s deep tone sends a tremor up his spine.

“Do it.” Tyler urges, “If this is what you wanted, then do it.”

Tyler waits as Josh’s hands shake, “I… I didn’t mean to do that…”

Tyler shakes his head, “No. You wanted to. So do it. I’m waiting.”

Josh shivers as for a moment he grips Tyler’s throat then hesitates, “No…”

“Why? Don’t be shy… don’t play that game, Josh. You want to hurt me, so hurt me.”

The tone Tyler speaks reminds Josh of those many years ago in that unforsaken cellar, Josh releases his grip and his knees buckle. He kneels in front of Tyler as he retreats his hands from him. “No… I can’t.”

“If you won’t, I will.” Tyler warns and before Josh can absorb the statement he’s belly up and Tyler’s hands around his throat squeezing him.

Josh is frightened as it feels like a nightmare for him, his world swirling around his as he resists wanting to act on his irrational instincts that wanted him to beat Tyler to a pulp. The less he resists the more pressure he feels on his throat, and just as he’s ready to either pass out or lash out, a sudden flash of light blinds them.

“Hey, what are you two doing?” It’s a group of classmates and through Josh’s teary eyes he recognizes Debby in the group.

Tyler let’s go and steps away as Josh coughs and feels his throat, collecting air he desperately needs. He looks up at Tyler in disbelieve. Tyler walks away without another word spoken, the group stare at both of them as Debby runs up to Josh.

“Are you okay? What were you two doing? I went looking for you at your tent but you weren’t there. I thought you might be out here but I didn’t actually think you would be…” Debby pauses, “What were you and Tyler doing… were you fighting?”

Josh coughs and brings his knees to his chest as he rubs his bruised neck, “You could say something like that…” Josh watches Tyler’s back as he walks away back to the camp, and Josh can’t piece together what the hell had just happened.

All he knew was for the first time in a very long time, Josh wanted nothing more than to be home.

\- 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well holy shit im back from the dead  
> sorry about being absent, mental health and IRL stuff came up BUT HEY   
> I'm back and starting a new year with a new chapter!  
> comment and kudos are super appreciated!  
> here's the song/playlist with it!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMk-Nb_viR8&list=PLZaHTvJbXQciJitGPhcDcVdWfylrPhbW3&index=24


	11. Chewing on Flower Petals

 

  
  
**Chewing on Flower Petals**

**-**

Josh didn't sleep at all that night, his mind kept mulling over every single detail of his interaction with Tyler, piecing together the very confusing behavior and awkward situation that had unfolded. He gingerly touches his sore throat, damn, it was pretty swollen. Josh uses his camera on his phone as he observes the damage done, it was definitely bruised. He sighs, he would have to ask Debby for makeup to cover up the bruising, because he didn't have a scarf on him at all. He groans, it wasn't as if he was prepared for any of this to happen or play out as it did.

 

With little to no sleep, Josh forces himself to get up as he shivers from the cold morning air whisks by his face. Leaving his tent he texts Debby to meet him near the forest entrance so they could have a trail walk. She's quick to reply as he walks towards the path, and soon enough Debby jogs up to him with an oversized hoodie and messy bun to match her tired eyes.

"Why did you want to walk this early?"

Josh points to his neck, "Do you have anything to cover it?"

Debby raises her brows, "Well, shit. Was that from last night when we found you and Tyler?"

Josh nods as they walk down the path together, "I don't know what happened last night."

"You two seem to have one issue or another... but him hurting you isn't okay, Josh."

"I know... but I hurt him too..." Josh mumbles as he rubs his neck, the words had a lot more meaning to him. He freaked out at Tyler's intimate advances and he couldn't understand exactly why, other than the forceful nature Tyler showed.

Was there something wrong with him to not wanting Tyler's intimacy?

"That doesn't change the fact he hurt you. Josh, did you even sleep last night?" Debby asks, she inspects him closer. "From the looks of your baggy eyes, I'm going to assume you didn't..."

Debby walks with him in silence for a few minutes, but Josh can't shake the drowsiness off from the lack of sleep. "Hey, don't fall asleep!"

She bumps his elbow playfully and Josh reciprocates it, when she repeats the notion back, suddenly Josh loses balance in his footing. Before Josh knows it, he tumbles down into the ditch and closes his eyes as the impact he mentally expect to be painful, but instead he feels something break and wetness. He opens his eyes and there's blood covering his hands and left side of his body, he begins to shake as he focuses on the dead deer corpse beside him. The corpse was mauled by some sort of predator, Josh backs himself against the foliage wall and his eyes kept on his hands that are covered in blood.

"Oh my god, Josh, here—let me get you," Debby rasps as she makes her way down to him.

The blood—the smell of it, brings him back, his eyes blurring as his emotions ravage him. His eyes trace to the deer's corpse and he can't withhold the overwhelming trauma of that horrible dirt cellar and the smell of copper he never could wash out in his mind.

Debby grabs his shirt as she tugs him to her side and away from the corpse, "Josh c'mere, please."

Josh forces himself to follow her as they get away from the deer's corpse. "Hey, hey," she says calmly, "you're okay. Whatever attacked this deer is gone, I'll let the teachers know and you... you go and take a shower."

Josh's eyes never meet Debby's, they're glued to his blood covered hands as he takes a shaky breath. It was as if he was reliving a nightmare as the tears unconsciously rolled down, warming his cheeks as he choked up over the sight of his hands covered in blood.

Debby repeats herself, "Hey, Josh. It's going to be okay, you're okay. We need to go, okay? Can you follow me?"

Josh finally wills himself to move as Debby gently tugs on his shirt, he follows her back to camp. Once they arrive, regretfully everyone is beginning to head to the mess hall for breakfast. Josh's appearance of course causes everyone to stare in fear as he makes his way across the camp, he needed to shower and that was the most important part. 

Debby pipes up as she begins to walk away, "I have to go tell the teachers what happened, okay? You go and shower and I'll be back soon!"

To no surprise, Steven is one of the first to make a remark in the dead silence of the camp as Josh made his way to the shower block, "So you went and murdered someone? You freak!" 

Josh didn't even think twice as he approached Steven and stared him down, and much to his personal surprise Steven was scared. Josh only smirks as he brings up his hand and smears the blood onto Steven's face. "Sure. I'm a murderous freak. Why don't you fight me and see what happens next?"

Something in Josh didn't care if he got himself in trouble or a fight, he was sick of Steven's remarks. Josh watches as Steven backs away, making gag sounds and starts yelling at him that he's a freak. Josh watches in amusement as he could see that Steven was shaking, he had proven his point quite clearly.

Everyone gasps and backs away as Josh ignores them, he didn't care too much for people's reactions. He needed to get the blood off him, it was making him nauseous and the sooner the blood came off—the sooner he could think coherently.

He enters the shower block, it's eerily empty as he grabs the soap provided by the camp and begins to strip off the blood drenched clothes. He gets into a shower stale and once the water hisses and lands on his head, the warmth dowsing him, he lets out a repressed sigh. His shoulder slump under the heat of the running water, his eyes focus on the drain as the blood washes and circles down the drain. He suds up and washes any blood that might still be clinging to his skin as he roughly rubs his arms, he felt uncomfortable in his skin. It takes Josh a moment to think, he holds his arms as he sniffles—he didn't want to cry over the fact he had tumbled into a dead rotting corpse of a deer. Josh wasn't sure what he really desired to cry over, he reasons it must be because he hasn't taken his meds yet.

Josh finally finishes washing up and exists the shower stale, he wraps a towel half expecting to see Tyler standing with his clean clothes in the younger teen's hands.

"A wolf happened to be in the camp last night... That's what the teachers are saying out there," Tyler says as his eyes remained glued on Josh. "Are you okay?"

Josh snorts as he grabs his clothes from Tyler, "You think I like being covered in blood?"

Tyler looks down at the ground before he meets Josh's eyes, "That bad, huh?"

Josh only shrugs, "At least I can wash it off, not like chokehold bruises..."

Before Josh gets the chance to put his clothes on, Tyler pushes him up against the tiled wall, "Is that what you're upset about? If you want to keep score, you choked me first."

Josh withholds the anger he can feel creeping up and starting to boil his blood, "If you had just listened to me..."

Tyler shakes his head, "I do listen to you... just not your words."

"Well how does that make any sense?" Josh rolls his eyes, "I... I said no to the situation last night."

Tyler stares, "You were saying one thing, and the rest of you said another."

"I wasn't comfortable."

"With me, or me touching you?"

"Stop it." Josh warns, "I hate when you play these word games..."

Josh watches as Tyler gets onto his knees in front of Josh, "I don't want to play games, I want to understand you..."

Tyler passes his fingertips ghostly over Josh's tattoo, the tattoo he had embedded into Josh's leg the day before summer ended. Josh wanted to shiver upon the touch, but an otherworldly force made him stay stiff as the touch became much more intentional. Tyler was treading on Josh's comfort, what he could gauge with, and what Josh wouldn't allow.

"What does this tattoo mean to you?" Tyler looks up at Josh, their eyes meet in an intensity Josh wasn't used to, "What does my name mean to you?"

Josh couldn't look away, the locked gaze kept him cemented to the spot as without hesitance he whispers, "Everything."

Josh wasn't lying to himself, because Tyler had stood by him through the darkest things—kept a secret that would have destroyed them growing up.... Tyler saved his life. Tyler would never intentionally leave Josh, their names embedded on their skin meant everything in Josh's eyes. It meant no matter what happens, their imprint on each other would always remain as unique and intertwined as a fingerprint.

"Then let me be everything to you..." Tyler's damp breath tickling Josh's leg as Tyler kissed the spot where his name was.

The moment Tyler withdrawal from the kiss, he gets up and Josh wasn't sure if it was the heat of the moment or the desperation he felt to reconcile their fight from last night, but he needed to kiss Tyler. He wraps his arms around Tyler's neck and pulls him in, their kiss is sloppy and heated but Josh wanted their teeth to clash, to taste someone that only he found familiar. Between the small gasps and groans, Josh desired more, he wanted to see just as Tyler did—how far he was willing to go.

When they finally managed to untangle themselves apart, there was a lustful craving in Tyler's eyes. Josh wondered how long Tyler had kept that to himself, this time around Josh didn't feel scared of Tyler's look. Josh felt like he was high on something, it was far different for Josh to explore the unknown desires he had never tread on before... Was this the type of effect Tyler had aimed to achieve last night?

Josh observes Tyler as he kisses Josh's neck in soft nips, his lips descending further and further down. Josh instinctively brings his hand up to cover his mouth, he knew that this was dangerous—the type of fucked up game they were playing. They could easily get caught, the shower block was accessible to anyone and Josh knew they could be seen. He tries his best to keep himself from sounding loud or giving away just what exactly they were up to, and Josh began to wonder if Tyler enjoyed this type of dangerous thrill?

Josh kept his eyes glued on the door, and he found himself nearly choking for air as his towel dropping to his ankles and Tyler's precise hot licks touched a place Josh was sure he'd go to hell for. His instinct is to grab with his free hand at Tyler's head, he couldn't dare himself to look down at the act Tyler was committing because Josh wasn't all sure just what to do. He never experienced this before, and the best word he could describe it was **_intense_**.

It was intense in the sense that Josh's knees wanted to buckle with the persistent suction, wetness, and heat of Tyler's mouth just sent his head swimming in pleasure. When Josh could manage to sneak a glance down at Tyler, it was undoing his little remaining composure. He was trying his best to withhold his moans and the little pants that were escaping in quiet murmurs. But it was futile as he let out a full moan, it echoed off the shower stales and the room was a spinning place as Josh found it difficult to navigate his coherent thoughts.

If he had the slightest inclination of Tyler's intentions to give him his first ever experience getting head, well, Josh was pretty sure he would have been much more nervous.

"Ty..." He finally manages out between his hand and the moans he had no control over anymore, he was getting close. His whole body was on a heat rush and at this point, Josh didn't care if anyone walked in because this was the closest he'd ever been to a joyful feeling in a long time.

Josh hoped he gave enough of a warning, he was sure at this point Tyler was fully aware as the actions became more aggressive as the ferocity in Tyler's mouth work became intolerable for Josh to endure. Josh grips Tyler's hair in a way that would be painful as he unintentionally climaxed, Josh blacks out for a moment as his whole body trembles—he never expected his first sexual experience to be with Tyler but here he was, naked and barely able to get a grip on himself.

He loosens his hold on Tyler's hair as he watches Tyler walk to the sinks, Josh chews on his bottom lip as Tyler spits into the sink and washes his mouth out. Josh flushes as he never expected kissing to lead him into his first sexual experience, he finally manages to get his clothes on as Tyler observes him. 

"How are you going to cover your bruises anyhow?" Tyler asks absently, like the whole sexual debauchery of what just ensued didn't bother him.

Josh was a little stunned as he got his shirt on and his hand feeling the tender skin, Tyler nears him and leans in, kissing the bruises gingerly. "I... I was going to ask... Debby... She knows makeup..."

Tyler hums on the center of Josh's throat and pulls away, "Sounds smart, she knows makeup." Tyler pauses as he brings out from his sweater pocket his phone, "Shit. I got to go, that Mr. Urie is looking for me... Swear that guy has it out to ruin all the fun." Tyler forms a mischievous smile as he plants a quick kiss on Josh's lips. "I'll see you around... Okay?"

Josh nods as Tyler disappears like smoke in thin air. Josh slides down the wall and sits in the same spot he stood moments ago, "What the fuck just happened...?"

Josh finally grabs his phone that were in his bloodstained jeans as he checks the texts on his iMessage from Debby. She basically kept asking where he was and if he was okay, his hands shook as his brain and senses were static. He replies to Debby that he'll meet her at her tent so he can get some makeup, before he had to go through all the activities the camp scheduled after 10 AM.

Josh picks himself up, grabbing his stained clothes he makes his way out of the shower block with his mind completely unable to comprehend what had just transpired in the place. He looks at his reflection on his phone blank phone screen and without a doubt his entire face was red. He sighs, he hopes Debby won't notice because she was good at poking and prying for answers if anything Josh did was abnormal to his usual behavior. It annoyed him some days, but most he didn't mind her questioning nature. Today, however, he wanted no questions as he had enough of them swimming in his head already.

When he sees Debby, she looks shocked to see Josh remotely happy. "What the hell happened to you? I thought you'd take a shower and meet me right away, all the teachers have been looking for you. There's a wolf on the property, they had to call wildlife rangers to come investigate."

Josh sighs, "Just when I thought I could get a break... I'll get to them but first, please cover this up." Josh points to his obvious bruised neck.

Debby nods in her usual enthusiastic way when it came to makeup, "Sure, step right in... but leave those," she points to his blood covered clothes, "outside, and you got to wash those as soon as possible."

Josh nods, he then notices Tyler and Mr. Urie talking as the basketball team follows them. Debby takes notice and raises a brow, "You know... You might be strange, but Tyler is definitely stranger..."

Josh places his tattered clothes to the side and enters Debby's tent, "Yeah... he did some weird stuff when we were kids."

Debby brings out her holographic makeup bag as she takes out her foundation mumbling under her breath about which shade would match his neck better. "Like what?"

"He always loved chewing on flower petals..." Josh murmured as Debby began to place different colors of concealer on his neck, "... Until he choked on them... Never really knew why he did that, he just... ate as many as he could..."

"Maybe he wanted to become a flower...!" Debby giggles as she continues to make her magic touch with makeup happen.

Josh swallows, "Maybe... I never thought about it like that before..." Josh gazes at his hands, the same hands that had choked Tyler but also held him.

They were both _strange_ , Josh thought to himself as he patiently waited for Debby to finish her makeup work on him.

It was the first thing that made sense to Josh about his and Tyler's relationship... it was _strange_.

 **Intense** and _strange_.

\- 11

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stg Tyler’s kisses are traps! Comments appreciated


	12. Blood Covered Weeds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY  
> IVE BEEN SO BUSY  
> PLEASE FEEDBACK  
> I AM BACK  
> ILL UPDATE MORE I PROMISE  
> SO SO SO SORRY!!

  
  
  
  
  
  
**_Blood Covered Weeds_ **

Josh's heart was racing, the many questions Josh had in his head was far louder than the adults talking to him. It was almost like white noise to Josh as he closed his eyes, he didn't care for what they were saying so much as he was enraptured by the events that had transpired this morning—what Tyler had done so easily puzzled Josh. Had Tyler wanted that type of sexual relationship for a long time? Just how long has Tyler kept those type of desires away from him, without his knowledge, he started to piece together the strange stares Tyler gave him when he mentioned girls... The slightest discomfort Tyler had when Josh decided to go back into school, had Tyler feared Josh would not reciprocate these same sexual desires?

The more he blinked, the more of that summer day 5 years ago came flooding back; the blue sky, the golden sunflowers starkly contrasting the sky—their promise, "Best friends forever..." Josh whispers to himself unconsciously.

"What did you say, Joshua?" Mr. Stump curiously stares at Josh.

Josh is brought back to reality, he opens his eyes and stares up at the teachers, rangers, and staff watching him. "Nothing... Sorry, I lost my place, what did you ask?"

"Did you and Debby find this deer by yourselves?"

Josh nods, "yeah, we were just walking and enjoying the trail and I slipped... and there it was..."

The rangers nod, everyone is taking notes and Mr. Stump notices the way Josh shifts uncomfortably, "Well, that must have been horrible to experience, we will be giving your mother a call so she's aware of this incident... Thank you for your time, Josh."

"Can I go now...?" Josh asks in a mutter, resting back against the chair as he observed Mr. Urie giving him a suspicious momentary glare.

"Would you like to talk to Mr. Weekes about the incident... just to make sure you feel okay?" Mr. Urie suggests.

Josh shakes his head, Mr. Weekes perks up with, "I think Josh has been through enough retelling the situation. Why don't we let him get back to band practice? So he can enjoy the last day of the trip."

They all nod mutually, "All right, thank you for your time on giving a statement, if you need anything at all, let any of us know, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks." Josh passively answers as he rushes out the main building to make his way to band practice. 

The array of stares Josh receives from everyone reminded him of the first day he went to school after the incident 5 years ago, it was the same kind of stares; shock, disgust, fear, and confusion. He was used to it, all he hoped for was that nobody would notice the bruises that lined his neck. He shrugged it off as he arrived to his class, he mentally sighed as entering the room everyone's eyes were on him. The eerie silence of the entire class stopping their practice to just watch him, as he proceeded further into the room was nothing new to josh as he took his seat behind the drum set.

Josh drowned out the whispers, he had learned from therapy how to dull himself and ignore everyone as his focus was mainly playing. The more Josh practiced on the music, the less he cared about everyone at the camp. Eventually the lesson flew by and as everyone emptied the room, Josh hands shook as he kept his drum sticks clutching in his fists as he took a moment to collect his composure. It was hard for Josh to disassociate completely from the whole situation, he felt as if maybe going back to school was a mistake... He never expected this trip to make him almost leap at the chance to go back home and never deal with the unpredictability of everyone around him.

But here he was, and Josh felt regret for not enjoying the trip as much as he imagined; after all, he fought and lied his way back into actually going to school. He bites his bottom lip and places the drum sticks down and checks his phone checking to see if Tyler or Debby had texted him. Josh begins to chew on his left thumbnail as he got barely any reception, he begins to wander around the camp site searching for reception.

Without missing a beat a much taller man stares down at Josh, "You do know you're not supposed to have your face glued to those screens at a camping trip."

Josh places his phone in his back jean pocket as he smirks, "Yeah, but do you really care, Mr. Weekes?"

The taller man shrugs, "Well, I'm not one to particularly enforce school code, I'm just a counselor."

They begin to walk together as Josh tries to sort through his mind what his next lesson was. It's as if Dallon read his mind, "Its lunch hour, you might want to go towards the main cabin."

Josh wanted to roll his eyes, "Always quick to have an answer with wordless questions, huh?"

Dallon shrugs, "If you happen to find reception please do give your mother a call. She might want to hear from you and not the school staff that you're okay. I'll leave you to that, but if you happen to get an appetite for lunch I've heard there's a lot on the menu today."

Josh nods his head as Dallon without missing a beat heads back to the pavilion, leaving Josh to his thoughts and phone. He stares at the phone and sighs, Josh knew Dallon was probably right in calling his mom to check up on her and set her mind at ease. Even if Mr. Stump or Urie called his mom, she never had peace of mind until she at least heard his voice at the very least.

As Josh makes his way to the east side of the camp, he begins to wander farther as he held his phone up to find reception in the cloudy afternoon. He withholds all the thoughts begging to take over his mind as he attempted to silence them with focusing on two things; finding reception and calling his mom.

Just as Josh gets to an open field a few yards from the campsite, a spot he knew he probably shouldn't be on considering the fact this was way passed camp grounds, he gains full bars of reception and gets ready to call. Everything is interrupted as the sight of a face Josh didn't want to call familiar but the guy never seem to quit.

Josh knew it was because he had given zero fucks about the consequences earlier this morning, "I'm getting really sick of seeing your face, Steven."  

The teen laughs as more guys join Steven, Josh knew what was about to happen and he really didn't want to get into a fight... or let his anger lead him into a fight. "You think I'd not get you back for what you did? You freak—why can't you just drop out already?"

Josh sighs, there's four other guys—making five in total against him.

"So you followed me all the way out here...? Wow, I must be special or something, do you have a crush on me Steven?" he knew he was antagonizing the situation but Josh was sick of the bullshit already.

"Fuck you, freak!" Steven shouts

"Is that an invite?"

**_Crack_ **

A guy Josh didn't really recognize hit him in the back so suddenly that Josh couldn't anticipate the strike. Josh recuperates from the punch, "I thought you would at least play fair if you're going to outnumber me, Steven... are you that scared of me?"

The anger in Josh was waiting to come out, it wanted to have at the group but he knew... he couldn't do it. If he let his anger come out now, it would be unpredictable and Josh could feel it in the pit of his stomach... he'd most certainly kill them, he wouldn't stop even if they begged him to. Josh looks down at his fists, so tightly gripped ready to be used as weapons his muscle memory already waiting his minds command. His eyes go from his fists back up to Steven and his group, Josh lets go of the grip in his fists and closes his eyes—all Josh saw was the sunflower field that stayed so vividly imprinted in his memory.

He didn't want to hurt anyone anymore. Even if they deserved it.

  When Josh opened his eyes, he was on the ground, the gentle brush of wheat and wind tickles his nose—he felt an incredible amount of pain. Everything hurt except his ego, he had managed to disassociate getting the crap beat out of him and now he was left alone to his thoughts. Josh finally manages to get his phone out with a shaky hand, the reception was still there as through his bruised eyes he dials his mother's cell phone number. 

A few rings come out, Josh stares at the cloudy blue sky scoffs. It all reminded him of that day five years ago as a cloud moved to block the sun, he blinks, finally his mother's voice comes through the receiver, "Josh, oh honey, I was worried sick."

Josh takes a long pause as he stretches his arm out, the clouds moving and exposing him to the sun. He squints, using his arm to block the sun from hurting his eyes—they hurt enough from the fight alone, "Hey... I'm okay..."

His voice cracks near the end, and Josh flinches... Damn, he wasn't sure if he could lie out of his teeth to his mother... because the truth was in the silence—he wasn't okay.

"Are you sure? I can come out there and take you home."

Josh allowed a small curve to his lips, despite the pain, he always appreciated his mother's concern. "I'm sorry I didn't get back to you soon enough.... But I'm okay... I'll be home tomorrow."

There's a long pause, "Josh, I've booked you an appointment with your psychiatrist once you're back. After what those teachers told me... I'm worried about your mental health."

Josh closes his eyes, the mental red flickers of anger speckling behind his tired lids, "That's fine. I expected as much... I'll talk to you tomorrow,"

"How will you be getting home tomorrow? Do you want me to pick you up from the school?"

"No... Tyler or Debby will give me a ride, I promise I'll be home... Love you, I have to go now."

"I love you too, Josh."

His mother's words hang heavy in Josh's chest, of course his mother loved him. But as he ended the call, the weight in his chest felt heavier than the physical pain he endured, simply because he wondered... If she knew the truth, would his mother still love him then?

It takes Josh a good hour before he manages to get up and drudge through the pain, he couldn't be bothered to sort out the static in his brain. He was dulled, he just wanted to sleep in his tent and avoid everyone—even Tyler. Once he arrives back on the camp site, there's only a few people out on the rock wall and at the ball court. He can decipher through the loud excitement and buzz coming from the lake that everyone was swimming, and Josh wanted nothing but to sleep off the pain. He checks his face on the front camera and notices the cut on his lip and how bruised his face is.

Josh sorts through a list of excuses to explain the bruises, the best he can come up with is that he fell on the rock climbing wall and it was because he was reckless. He sighs, it felt like a poor excuse for why he was as injured as he is, but he could always blame the dead deer incident as well. Josh could feel the tenseness in his muscles as they tightened and his shoulders began to knot. 

He needed rest, he didn't feel hungry at this point either—especially after this morning's incident, his stomach wanted nothing to do with food. He just wanted to sleep the day away and to be left alone, and that's exactly where his feet led him, back to his tent.

Once he got in, he flopped down and with crossed arms to his chest on his sleeping bag he turns to face away from the tents entrance and welcomes sleep as his lids closed. Josh wakes to the tickle of hot breath on his neck and an arm around him, he screws his eyes open.

"How long have I been asleep?" Josh grumbles through his dry throat.

Tyler mumbles, "You missed dinner and curfew is already on,"

Josh groans, "Well, I'm not really wanting to eat."

It takes Josh a moment as his eyes adjust to the darkness, he reaches out in the darkness and grabs his phone and puts the flash on. It illuminates the tent as Josh squints and he notices Tyler's knuckles are bruised.

"Turn off the flash, I don't want to drag attention here right now... I got into enough trouble today."

Josh shifts and turns to face Tyler, as he finally turns off the flash he does get a glimpse of obvious bruising on Tyler's face, "Don't tell me... you didn't..."

Tyler rolls his eyes in the dark, "You think I didn't piece together what happened when Debby couldn't get a hold of you and nobody could find you..."

"I didn't want to get you involved or in trouble..."

Tyler seems to ignore this as his bruised hand comes up to softly brush Josh's split lip, "They really got you bad... you didn't fight back."

Josh sighs, covering his hand over Tyler's, "No. I'm tired of looking like a... monster."

Tyler rolls his eyes, "You're not a monster. They're cowards... and a pain in my ass."

Josh blinks, "Why did you get involved...? I didn't want anyone hurt, I felt like if I fought back... I'd kill them."

Tyler softly chuckles, "You seriously think I'd let them hurt you and get away with it?"

"I don't know... I just wanted it to stop."

"What do you want stopped?"

"I don't know... everything? Ugh, I can't think straight... I'm just tired..." Josh admits, his head throbbed quite a bit.

Josh closes his heavy lids, as he does this, his eye lids are met with gentle presses that Josh knows from memory as Tyler's lips. Josh sighs in relief, he didn't know he needed the physical reassurance as much as he did. But damn, he really needed this from Tyler.

"Ty..." Josh sighs out as Tyler hums and continues to leave fleeting soft kisses on Josh's face until he lands on his lips.

"Why didn't you kill them?" Tyler asks in a somber tone.

Without much thought Josh whispers back, "I want to change..."

Tyler digests the words and gently pats Josh's face, his hands descending to his neck as he leans in and plants a soft press to Josh's lips, "Don't... it's still gross." Josh mumbles out in lazy defiance.

"You will never gross me out... Nothing about you is gross." Tyler manages between gentle presses of their lips.

Josh shivers as Tyler's tongue licks over the cut and Josh could barely keep up as he tries to open his mouth to counter Tyler's advances, but it only welcomes Tyler to further violate him. The texture of Tyler's tongue running up on the roof of his mouth made Josh unwillingly moan as they change position and the weight of Tyler pressing down on Josh reminds him of the previous night.

A tremor rolls out of Josh's sore body as the feeling of Tyler's warm hands sneaking up and under his clothes feels like electricity coursing through him. That is until Tyler hits a sensitive spot where a fresh welts laid and Josh pulls away, the pain causing him to whimper as he rejects Tyler's intimacy.

"Sorry... It... It hurts," Josh tries to excuse it as he shifts under Tyler's weight, he stares up at Tyler. Every time he blinks he sees the dead deer and fear starts to overwhelm Josh, the whole day crashes in his head and it's painful as he tries his best to disassociate from it all. He wanted to kiss Tyler, he wanted Tyler to kiss him.

Josh couldn't withhold the tears as they finally touched down and he was a sobbing mess, he brings his arms up to hide from Tyler's piercing stare, "What's wrong with me?"

Tyler stares down at Josh as Josh's sobs become hiccups, "Why can't I be fucking normal?"

Tyler's eyes dull as he reaches down and pulls Josh's hands away and pins his arms, "There's nothing wrong with you. Please stop crying."

Tyler leans down and laps up the hot tears from Josh's face, "Stop crying please... I'm the one who isn't normal here, Josh, so please don't worry."

Josh calms himself slowly as Tyler releases his grip on Josh and lays beside him, "Just go to sleep, Josh, I'll be here... okay?"

Josh nods, "Okay..."

Even with Tyler's fingers intertwined in his hair, gently patting him and Tyler's gentle kisses to the side of his head Josh knew Tyler was lying to him. Josh hated this side of Tyler the most; the side that faked the reality that they both weren't normal. Everything under the sun was wrong with them, and they both knew that the day they survived that horrible cellar five years ago. 

Josh selfishly had to admit to himself, he would always find some fucked up comfort in Tyler's lies. Because he would always want to believe that somehow... there wasn't anything wrong with them.

He'd like to believe that, but deep down, they both knew the truth; it was etched on their skin and burned in their memory as a promise.

A promise Josh wasn't sure he could keep hiding at this rate.

\- 12

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback extremely appreciated, thanks!


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